quote of the day

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud

was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

Anais Nin

soul blooms

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy,

They are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom - Proust

My transition into motherhood has been mind blowing difficult. In this time I have been loved, encouraged, uplifted, prayed for, hugged and blessed by my husband, family and friends. I have the best friends that, honestly, should be included in the family category.

There were moments these past few months that I thought I would die. The overwhelming feeling of despair and the exhaustion of crying.

And then one day, things got a little better. I cried less.

Then the next day, it got a little easier than the day before. That day I didn't cry at all.

Today, I'm not drowning anymore. I swam the English Channel of emotion, and I made it to the other side alive. I still remember the struggle and the pain, but I've conquered.

I'm a better person today than I was February 9th, and I owe that to my family.

They are the charming gardeners who made my soul bloom in my darkest hour.

You know who you are. Thank you.

warm fuzzies

'From the moment I heard my first love story
I began to look for you
Not knowing how foolish that was
Great lovers don’t finally meet
They are born into eachother all along'

-Rumi

A stranger on a plane shared that Rumi poem with me a few years ago, and it changed me.

I'll never forget that lovely day.

a love note from my teeth

the best part is leaving.

stale florescant lighting. the smell of latex. handles and tubes covered in plastic. as I lay uncomforably in my chair turned bed, the stranger with a blinking birthday pin has her rubber gloves in my mouth. sharp metal tools lay to her right. my eyes search for something to look at. it finds no tv like I was hoping for, only gold twirly birthday celebrations hanging from the dropped ceiling and photos of black cancer gums. then she starts talking. I dont know who's more uncomforable here, me or her. she is, after all, the one with her fingers in my mouth. maybe the silence is more awkward for her, so she makes lame jokes and comments on things, as though, she expects me to answer. 70 bucks i'm shelling out to have her rubbery fingers jarr my mouth apart and make talking sound like a chore. there's pain too, of course, where her metal tools scrape away the tartar. I grimace, she says sorry, I'm doing this the best I can. pahf! I get ansty by the moment, swallowing excess pools of saliva, and it was then she turned on the sucker. the sound of air being sucked rapidly into a little tube, sckkooooooooooooooo, and the sckoopppPPP! the sound of my cheeks hallowed from moisture. here, a little squirt of water for you, swish it, ok, sckkoooopppPPP! ah, those 4 ounces of water feel like an oasis. she tells me, brush the insides better. ok, lady will do. enters male dentist. hello, how are you, any sensitivity? nope. good. ok...........8 seconds later.... you're in great shape, see you later! exits doctor. wow, how much is HE getting paid? I get my free toothbrush, and get the hell out of there.

the best part is leaving...6 months is all I have.