Amelie's Birth

My son was 10 days overdue, or  'ripe' as I like to say. So naturally, I fully expected the same treatment from his little sister. When labor started strong and consistent a day before her due date, I didn't believe it was true!

January 21st we walked to my parents for dinner. I had several contractions on the walk over. I am very familiar with Braxton Hicks, I've had them for the past 3 months. So naturally, I assumed...it wasn't real labor. After we arrived I asked for a small glass of red wine and sat down. Quickly I realized the contractions were quite regular. But no need to time them, 'this isn't real labor. It can't be.' After 30-45 mins of contractions, I pulled out my iPhone and started tracking. Three minutes apart, on-the-dot! Chris, Rue, and my parents sat down at the dining table, but I knew that sitting on the hard dining room chair during contractions would not be fun! I opted to eat my dinner at the counter standing up. 

We walked home at 7:30 telling my mom to keep her phone on because most likely this was really happening and we will probably have a baby the following day. We got home and I jumped into the shower while my husband put my son to bed. They had increased in pain a bit and were two & a half minutes apart and lasting about a minute. During a contraction break I texted my best friends and family - 'This is happening! I'm in labor!' I was so excited. During the breaks I'd be dancing to my birth playlist, texting a friend & checking Facebook. Then a contraction would hit and I would surrender to the pain and squat down. It felt so natural to squat, I knew I was progressing.  After my shower I got dressed, fixed my hair and put on my favorite handkerchief and earrings. I didn't want to look shabby for the paparazzi! While Chris was blowing up the birthing pool I was pacing around, happy as a clam as I waited for the next contraction. When we gave my midwives an update we told them they didn't need to come, because 'we are doing great!' I fully expected to be in labor for hours, so I didn't want them to come too early and just sit around. By 10 the contractions had picked up intensity and I couldn't talk through them. My midwives were wise and decided to come. When they arrived at 11, I gave them a quick hug and then got back into labor mode. I had Chris hang a rope from a beam in our living room so I could hang on to it and bear down. Squatting gave me the most relief. It only took watching me for a few contractions before Rowan suggested to fill up the pool. She told me 'Ok, I think you need to get in now!" and I freaked. 'But you told me I didn't need to get into the pool until transition!! Until I was near the end!?!" to which she responded with a smile, 'You're IN transition!'  That was when I started to freak out. I was crying, and shaking, and laughing. I couldn't believe I could actually be that far already?? I was very emotional. I was never checked by my midwife, but it's safe to say I dilated from a 2/3 centimeters to a 10 in about 4 hours. It was very quick and painful. No wonder I was super emotional!

Right around 11:30 my friend Niki arrived. She came to take pictures. But my mom, was no where to be found. We had texted and called....I was starting to get angry. 'Where is my mom!? Someone CALL HER. NOW.' My mom finally arrived at 11:45. I guess my subconcious was waiting for her because the next contraction came my body started pushing automatically. My midwife noticed.

'You were pushing weren't you' 

'Yeah I guess I was' 

'Ok, well go ahead push.

'You don't even need to check me???'

'Nope, your body knows it's ready'

Around midnight I started pushing. The pain was overwhelming and I thought surely I can't do this. 

But my amazing birth team were all saying the opposite. Rowan suggested Chris get in the tub behind me and hold my legs back. I was not happy with that suggestion....thinking 'this is MY zone. MY birth pool! I don't want him in here!' I relented and he got in. I don't know if I said it out loud or not, but I definitely thought 'I don't like you right now!' and gave him an icy cold stare over my shoulder. Everyone saw it and laughed. But wow, I'm so glad he did get in the water. Having his help really made all the difference. I sat on his lap and he pulled my legs back. I pushed and pushed. When Rowan told me to check myself I felt her head about was about 2 inches in. I gave it my all and pushed. Felt like I was ripping in two. Rowan told me to reach down and feel her head, and I felt her face. Her entire head was out. My body flooded with a glorious joy rush and with that I pushed her out. 12:43 am. They placed her on my chest and I was at total rest. Her little body was covered with a beautiful coating of vernix and she had a little gentle cry. She was so quiet. They didn't suck her nose, or prod her, they just let her be. It was amazing. 

The moment we saw her we knew her name. Amelie Fiora Loraine. We were waiting to see her before we named her. I'm glad too, it is so fitting. After birthing the placenta we walked upstairs into my room and crawled into bed. My son had woken up when he heard us all screaming and rejoicing. So my mom brought Amelie into his room. He was a little shell shocked - why are there so many people in my room taking pictures of me? But he quickly warmed up to the idea and came into our room. He sat next to me and pointed at her- 'Sissy head! Sissy ear! Sissy eye!' We were all up till 4 am, checking her out, taking pictures, getting her weighed and measured - 7 lbs 4 oz and 19 inches long. 6 hours of labor, 3 of those were serious, with 45 minutes of pushing. 

She's 10 days old. We are all adjusting well and enjoying every second of this sweet little girl, our petite Amelie!

[enlarged] in the waiting

The girl in my belly has grown a lot in this past month, and I am proof.
We have 2-3 weeks more of waiting before she arrives 'stateside' as I like to say.
The last bit of waiting is always the worst part, mostly because my body is so uncomfortable. But mentally...that's where the waiting messes me up. In the waiting imaginations run wild. The anticipation of the unknown is always more daunting than the actual unknown. I find that over and over again in my life. Because, when you're in it, you're just in it. You can face it. You can deal. When you are waiting to be in it, you only have fear to keep you company. And fear is a mean companion....I'd rather have a sweet snuggly newborn and an unpredictable toddler. At least I know I won't be bored! Haha.

Today I realized my 'baby' is actually nearly 2. This afternoon we moved him into his new room, his big-boy-room, it hit me that his sister, the-new-baby, will take his old place. I will admit, I cried. It's such a bizarre thought! I mean, for nine months I've thought about it...but it's so close I can taste it.

38 weeks. Her clothes are washed, the birth kit is stocked up and I have even picked out a few of my favorite clothes and scarves so I won't have to go hunting for them when it's labor time. And while we still have more to do in terms of being 'ready' like decorating and cleaning, our hearts are ready.

Come on baby girl, mama and daddy [and the rest of the world] want to meet you.

xoxoxox

itchy itch

I wrote this post a week ago and it's been sitting as a draft. Waiting. Waiting for me to hit publish. After a week of processing and pondering aaand....more processing, I'm ready to hit publish.

So...here goes.

I am getting the baby itch.

I see pregnant bellies and my heart swells a bit. In the card section buying a 'congratulations on your baby boy' for my cousin and her son Luca I got a little misty eyed. Then I got a smile and a big-big-oh so big lump in my throat. I told my husband and he said 'well... you are already at a better place than the first time. Cause we weren't ready at all then. See how I spun that for you?'

So.

I don't know what this means exactly! I don't know if this means: let this little seed/idea simmer and culminate and grow and take over our hearts and if we get pregnant, celebrate? Or...should we decide 'let's make a baby' and put on my bedroom eyes and get husband to jump on me and give me everything he's got before we have a chance to change our minds? Haha. [I hope that made him blush]

I'm curious friends, what did you do, if I may ask? Did you decide to try? Or just let the chips fall where they may? Did you try for a specific gender?

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Well, regardless, I'm just glad I'm finally at this place. Those of you who have been around HGBB for the last year or so can vouch that I never thought this day would come. And for my real life friends who I haven't told yet...well, now you know!

Big heart swells, xo.

Y

it's 7:51 am.

baby woke up at 5:30 [2 hours] earlier than usual.

then, he threw up an entire meal on me and my pretty wool anthropologie rug.

it's only 7:54 am, and I am working on coffee cup #2.

so instead on dwelling on how bad I smell and how $ it will be to clean my rug, I'm going to stare at the mega watt smile above and think happy thoughts.

good morning motherhood!

my house is a giant choking hazard

the coffee table has been cleared.

the rocks from the fake fireplace have been removed.

the pretty breakable things have been moved higher up...

...'cause this boy is cra-cra-crawling! The skooch-along army-crawl has been in the works for about 3 weeks, but yesterday he finally got the real crawl. The 'one uncertain arm followed by one uncertain knee, followed by a more certain arm'....and voila. I'm so proud.

And I'm also paranoid. Now that he can get places, I realize my house is one great big giant choking hazard. So the official baby-proofing began yesterday. Because, I am tryyying, but I don't know when kids begin to understand the word NO. Or NO-NO, as I say it. So I'd rather just move the chemicals and small inedible objects. We can learn the meaning of No-No later.

What he lacks in speed [at the moment] he makes up for in passion. He crawls with PURPOSE people. His determination makes me laugh. Goodbye knees of milky skin, hello rug burn red! Speaking of rug burn knees - his only pair of leg warmers were dirty, and I needed a quick fix. So I took some old socks and cut the toe parts off. I reincarnated my hole-in-the-toes Wonder Woman socks into crawlers for Rue. I'm so crafty & cheap it kills me.

He's also standing up in his crib, pulling himself up onto the coffee table and attempting to climb the couch. Like it's a rock climbing wall and he's been doing it for years. Is this normal at his tender age of 6 months 3 weeks??

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{and now onto some thoughts that have nothing to do with this post, but are gnawing away at my brain nonetheless}

I don't know how long it takes for one's hormones and feelings to go back to normal [whatever 'normal' is, or was] but I'm still not feeling 100% myself yet. Seems like mom's who had 'postpartum' or barely scraped by the first few months take longer to adjust emotionally. Baby boy is 7 months old next week, and I am shedding no tears. I love him more than anything, but wow....what a RIDE it's been. I am hoping my next child doesn't do me in the same way. [Wow, did I actually just say 'my next child' out loud?? I must be farther along in my recovery than I thought] haha. What are your thoughts moms? Am I normal in still feeling 'out of it'?

Looking to the future with hope in my heart,

Yana

I haven't thrown the baby out with the bath water...

Doves, hello hello!
Welcome to my blog, new and old readers!
I want thank Leigh from Marvelous Kiddo for featuring Rue’s birth story as ‘birth story of the week.’ I’ve read her fabulous blog for over a year and been inspired many times by the beautiful pictures and words of mamma’s and their birth experiences. I feel blessed to have joined the ranks of women who have brought life into this world. Hopefully I can and have already inspired someone with my birth story.

For those of you who have been following HGBB for a while, you know I’ve been infrequent in my posts since the babe was born. Oops. It happens to all new-&- really-sleep-deprived-moms right? I seem to have about….an hour of free time a day, and it’s normally not at the same time! When the babe actually lays down for a ‘catnap’ my brain goes something like this:

“He’s sleeping………………………………
!? !?
Sigh.
What should I do?
Sleep?
Eat.
Pee?
Wash a load of dirty baby clothes?
Put away the clean dishes?
Load the dirty dishes that are piling up?
Dry the load that I washed two days ago, that’s been sitting in the washer and is probably musty by now??
Pluck my bushwacked Freida-esque eyebrows?
Brush my teeth today?
Put on ‘real clothes’?
Take out the dirty diaper trash that’s stinking to high heaven?
Blog?
Shower!!!

By the time I have figured out what to do, I’ve wasted 5 minutes of his naptime, and somewhere between the toilet flush and burning the grilled cheese sandwich, he stirs. I hear his little cry calling to me ‘come hold me mama!’…So I shove a piece of blackened bread in my mouth and I run to grab him. That’s love folks.

Well, what can I say about being a new mom? It’s beautiful, and exhausting. I’m so in love. My arms are getting stronger by the day because he loves to be held 24/7.
We don’t sleep much and we both have cried a LOT these first 4 weeks, but it’s getting better. I’ve heard that 6 weeks is a milestone for newborns, so my fingers are crossed. I hope to have more ‘me’ time in the coming future, for one, to blog. I’ve missed it, and I really love to stay connected to you all. Thanks for all the wonderful sweet comments! They are the butter on my bread!!

Stay tuned for a new series: Confessions of a New Mom.

All my love,

Yana

Ruehl at one month!

confessions of a pregnant woman, pt III

1. It has begun. The wearing of the dreaded maternity jeans has begun. [they are so stinkin comfortable, might I add. Still a tad ugly, but at this point, comfort is crucial]

2. 24 weeks tomorrow, and every day has been lovelier than the last. [if you would like me to pray for your pregnancy, I offer prayers for a nominal fee. kidding.]

3. I CAN'T BELIEVE THERE'S ONLY 4 months LEFT. HOLY S@&#. [I'm trying to control my tongue around the babe, but lucky for me he can't read yet.]

4. Baby Room Demo has commenced. Walls are being patched and repainted. Yippee!

5. um. ? [I lose my train of thought sometimes.....]

6. name searching...whittling down the options. I think we'll keep it a surprise once we choose!

7. After I birth brink jr, I'm seriously considering taking midwifery classes...

8. some days I feel really sexy, and some days more whale-esque. On the former days I smile. On the latter I try not to cry as I get dressed. On those days every article of clothing is sprawled on the bed or floor.

9. He seems so happy in there, rolling around. [let's hope he isn't content to over-extend his welcome to my uterus. Prince Brink, this is your mother typing. If you stay in there till 42 weeks, you're grounded.

10. I'm gonna go roast a chicken and enjoy overheating the house, and over-eating my own house.It's fall and I'm pregnant. What else is there do? :)


CIAO LOVES!

100th post.

[i'm going to ignore my feelings of lameness, as it took me 2 years to hit 100 posts. eeesh. slap on my infrequent blogger wrist.]


Happy 100 posts to me! Today I'm sharing with you the books I'm currently reading, have read and plan to read. I only have 4.5 months till my bun is finished cooking, so I must take advantage of all this quiet free time I have!!

I am currently reading Baby Wise & Pushed. So far Pushed is awesome.........I'm not totally digging Baby Wise though.

Next on my reading list is Ina May's Guide & Your Best Birth. I've heard both are incredible.

Two others I've already read and enjoyed are Supernatural Childbirth and The Bradley Method.

The first is a liiiitle cheesy, but contains some great insight and scriptures. I really did not like the Dr. Bradley's writing style...AT ALL. I like his method though, so we are thinking of taking the birthing classes soon.

I've devoured a few others, inluding A Thinking Woman's Guide to Childbirth. That was an eye opener....especially as it was the first book I read. Pretty influential to me.

And there you have it. If you have any other suggestions, please throw them my way.

Love, and happy posting!

Y.

walkin' on sunshine

the last few days of summer linger on, and I'm savoring every inch of it. I've never cherished a summer so much in my adult life! Lazy evenings with my husband, and being pregnant have made this such a special summer for me.

knowing that this time next year I'll have a little crawler on my hands makes me smile! Another reason so savor this last season is that it will be my last with Chris...with just the two of us. So goodbye sweet summer. I will savor fall with every ounce of my being and enjoy the snowfall and being cooped up in my house. I will NOT complain that I have nothing fun to do. I will enjoy it all.

my belly grows every day and my little boy moves, kicks and nudges me throughout the day. I am the happiest pregnant person alive!!

what else is on my mind? the unknown of it all. yet, oddly I have no fear, no anxiety. Which if you know me, is SO unlike me. I love to know what's next around the bend, and how to anticipate it. But i feel like having a child is so unknown. In a moment's notice my life will change. In just a blink of an eye I will begin loving another person more than my own life....

My friend katie said that having kids is like watching your heart run around on the outside of your body. Watch out world...I'm growing up.

The Little Prince

oh.my.word.

I'M HAVING A LITTLE BOY!!! And let me tell you, we were so stunned. All three of us thought without a doubt, girl. It's in the bag. I even disregarded the midwife's comment about not performing circumcisions...I thought, oh no worries there. But, we were wrong. Happily wrong.

You couldn't find a disappointed face in the room. We were all smiles. [seems to be a trend...]

The ultrasound was beautiful. I could've watched him move for hours. The 3D images of our son amazed me. He's already SO CUTE!! Ahh! He was a-movin' and a-groovin', and I kept laughing, which btw, doesn't help the technician get a clear shot. But how could I NOT laugh when he was flexing his muscle at us? He was saying 'look dad! look at me! I'm strong too!' He already has his dad's chin, and my nose. Wow.

I couldn't fall asleep last night as my mind was a flurry! Everything is different now. I was picturing flowers, and dresses...and lambs, but not anymore! Bring on the Forts. Dirt. Bugs. Hammers. Water balloons. Tents. Swords. Tree-houses.Trains. Trucks. Superman capes. Legos.

It's actually not a far stretch from my own childhood. Don't get me wrong, I loved my dress-up clothes, Barbies, and Princesses just like any other girl, but growing up without silbings and only boy cousins, I was kind of outnumbered in the girly department. I became a pro at dirt, wrestling, GI Joe fight scenes, jumping off roofs, and playing Ninjas. I had a permanant tooth knocked out during a sword fight with a PCV pipe. Not so fun. We had contests to see who could climb the OUTSIDE of the house the longest, as well as the who could climb on the furniture on the Inside with out touching the carpet. We were monkeys...houligans at best. But it was FUN.

So maybe I'm not clueless as to how to raise a boy...well except for the whole potty training penis part. Thank God I have some time before that comes.

There's a party in my belly! and it has a little peepee. heehee.

I'm all smiles

i gotta admit...

i L.O.V.E. feeling my baby kick.

and wiggle. and turn. and see my skin move.

i makes my heart go all jingle jangle wacka-doodle spazoid!

big.happy.sigh.

week 19

...it's amazing to me that I am nearly halfway there. I have so much more to go/grow! ;)

confessions of a pregnant woman, pt. 2

1. all I think about is baby.
2. I am half-way there next week! 20 weeks.
3. eeeeee!
4. I grin and squeal often.
5. baby is movin and a groovin, especially when dad plays guitar.
6. I cry at nearly every happy/sappy thing on tv.
7. I've been Soooooooooooo enjoying this pregnancy. Sometimes I think 'why does anyone think this is so hard? It's amazing!'
8. I'm LOVING the second trimester! no more naps!
9. I AM frustrated that my jeans are getting really tight, but I am avoiding the maternity jeans I bought... they scare me!
10. hahahaha. I laugh a lot. I want my baby to be really familiar with my laughter!

I'm a steel trap. Don't get me down!

Chris and I have decided to have a home birth. It was pretty much decided all along, but we had to find a midwife, and I think we've found our woman!
This topic of 'homebirth' has stirred up alllllllllllllllllllllllll kinds of reactions from people. Some good, mostly bad. [such as the following:]
"WHAT?!!? But that's so dangerous."
"Homebirth's are illegal"
"Well....You don't know any better!!"
"I love my epidural. Why would you choose pain???."

People act like I'm a deranged one legged super hero who is trying to save the world with sunshine. It's discouraging and unnerving, and more aggravating than Rachel Ray's voice. Grrrrrrr. Some reactions are good, but people few and far between have actually been encouraging [and for those of you that have, I salute you!!] So, somewhere, somehow I need to muster up enough balls to be a steel trap of confidence and attitude about the healthy, wonderful and exciting choice my husband and I have made together. I have read so many books already that promote home births, and at times that's all I have to keep me going.

If any of you have good stories/encouragements/book suggestions to encourage the homebirthing tiger in me, please pass them on! And if you don't have anything nice to say, than keep yo negative nancy opinions to yourself. I just dont need em! :)

I just needed to rant. There. thanks. i feel better.

Tomorrow I take my 19 week belly pics...hope to get em up soon!

xoxoxoxox

confessions of a pregnant woman

Greetings from the tail end of the first trimester-ebbing one week into the second trim. I'm still waiting for the infamous and illustrious energy and oompf that is supposed to accompany it.

This may be brief, but I have many confessions.

• Firstly I haven't been blogging because, I've been sleeping. Quite frankly, I'd rather be sleeping than do pretty much anything. However, I HAVE managed to clean, do laundry, and cook a decent meal for my husband. It just involves lots of naps, sitting down and couching.

• I am starting to panic a bit. Like the 'I have aboslolutely NO IDEA how to take care of a baby' and then my wise husband reminds me that 'no first time mothers have any real idea of what to do....but they learn.' Ah thank you God for giving me a wise man.

• I begin to hyperventilate when I think of how much crap there is in the basement that needs to be sorted through and chucked out. Can I accomplish that while sleep walking??

• All our houseguests and the insanity-of-too-much-activity-jammed-packed-into-two-weeks has finally passed, but I'm still exhausted even after a weekend of nothingness. We've sworn off house guests forever (or until my best friend Kate visits in September) That's what happens when I make my guest room up so cute. People overvisit! lol

• I've been thinking SO much about the birth. Where we want it, who will be here... it will be such a precious time in our lives and I want to plan it well.

• 15 week belly pics were taken today, so I'll post them soon. I didn't like my 14 week, which is why I didn't show em!

ok doves, time for me to ready dinner. love to you all.

xx, Yana

13 weeks

'thar she grows!'

[hah! the change from 12-13 weeks is quite noticable, don't you think? Tomorrow is week 14, so more pics to come soon. xoxo]

12 weeks already...?

big things come in small packages...

[photo by Niki Crosby of Happy Clay]

'The story of the littlest Brink'

Wow, I didn't expect to burst into tears as I sat down to type this. I really wasn't expecting that at all.

But, alas, I am, expecting. A little baby. My first. A child. My child.

I'm 9 weeks pregnant!

I'm suddenly, so overwhelmed seeing the words written 'my child' that I can hardly type.
You can't see how long I'm taking to write this, but take my word for it....

I am so: excited, happy, nervous, anxious, dreamy, shocked, processing, amazed, in-love, overwhelmed........and so many other emotions that I can't even put it into words.

This is not another 'chapter' in life...this is more like whole new book. With beautiful, crisp, blank white pages, waiting for this little story to unfold and change my life forever. Welcome, littlest Brink!

I. couldn't. be. happier.

xx, Yana