shank you very much.

I have some seriously awesome, seriously wise friends. So many encouraging words given on & off this blog. Thanks for your love on my last post. In theory; I KNOW I am going to be fine, in the end.  I am better off this time around, for starters, because now I know I'm not perfect. What I mean is, I didn't realize I was a massive perfectionist, which set me up for massive 'failure' when I couldn't fulfill my perfect expectations for myself. I was my worst judge, worst personal enemy.

So out with the bathwater the perfectionism went, and I am a better person for it. I am going into the next phase of baby number two with as wide open a heart as possible, with arms big enough to embrace the little one and the huge changes that will come with it. With her! Still adjusting to the words 'her, she, sister' with a grin plastered to my face.

Till now pregnancy has gone without a hitch, thank goodness. But these past few days, on the other hand, I am starting to FEEL IT BIG TIME. That deep and strange pain in the pelvis feeling. And I have about 3 months left?? Oh dear me. And hormones are manifesting not in the weepies, but in the form of super annoyed and PO'd. 'The Anger Sharks Are Swimming!' has been said a lot lately. Haha.

But it's ok, I can do this...just 13 more weeks. The holidays will be here before I know it. I am thrilled to be hosting Thanksgiving & Christmas this year. With those two events, I will have plenty to keep me busy.

Well. Enough rambling.
Love you doves.

xo, Y

type & delete

...how many times do I start typing a post...then delete? How many times have I hit 'tap tap tap' on that delete button? How many drafts do I have sitting in my post box? Have I been gone too long, does this place seem unfamiliar? Or am I really just afraid of being honest?
Sometimes my mind feels like a high speed train on crack. So it's extra super fast-fast. Ideas float in and out and before I have a chance to grasp and process I hear a bowl of cheerios scatter across the floor. Grab a broom and go go go. I want to get back to that grasp & process part but I barely have a moment. Where is the dang "Selah" button when you need it!

Then he sleeps. Here's my moment. Brain kicks back into full gear. I think 'oh crap oh crap oh craaaapppp. Another baby. In three months. How will I handle it? How can I do this again? Will I survive it? The first go around was me surviving tooth and nail till the 7th month mark and even after that I still cried a lot. What is going to happen this time??'

The fear makes my mind numb. I start to zone out and stare into space. My mind goes from the speed of light, to a speed even a slug would be embarrassed by.

Then, I feel her kick.
Hello, reality check. Ready or not, prepared or not, baby will COME.
I take a deep breath.
Remember somehow, every little thing is gonna be alright. God tells me so.
Exhale.

I start typing. This time is don't hit the delete button. I just keep typing. I open my heart and keep typing. I don't shy away from being honest, from laying it out there for everyone to see. I let it be heard the I am scared of the unknown. Life doesn't have the undo/delete button. It's one choice, that leads to another, that makes the person you are, you.  Ever wonder what older you would tell the younger you? My older me would probably say 'Stop being a martyr. Grow a pair. Kids grow quick. Quit whining. Sex gets even better! Chin up buttercup!' I imagine older me is more sarcastic that younger me.

I didn't think when I started this post that it would turn out like this, but that's just the point. That's life. It's not what you expect. But we gotta do it like we mean it, and hit publish.

brink family, 2011

my beautiful little family of 3 (& 1/2) captured by the lovely Brit Fray.

http://www.britfrayphotography.com/

a post of happenings.

Lately.

I've been busy, pregnant and happy, and consequently, a terrible blogger. Too happy living life that I kind of, well forgot! I've been growing little Miss, who's name has yet to be chosen, but the list is narrowing down. We've been painting Ruehl's new room, & I've been wearing a gas masks while doing so. We are enjoying the glorious fall weather that we've been waiting so patiently for. We've been taking walks and crunching leaves. I've said adios to iced beverages and traded them for hot mugs. We've turned on the fireplace and cuddled under blankets. I've been cooking hearty soups and roasts. Today I bought a huge grocery bill's worth of yummy stuff to bake; sour cream coffee cake, spicy chewy ginger snaps with lemon frosting, & apple, blackberry and ginger pie. Yum. 

I've been planning my husband's 26th birthday celebrations. I've been wearing boots and sweaters. I've been spending as much time with friends and family as I can. I love getting to the end of the week, exhausted, from too much social activities. 

This weekend will be lots of birthday fun, food and maybe even a trip to a corn maze, petting zoo and pick your own pumpkin patch. 

Lately, I've been living. Thankful for the one I've been given.

What about you?