pool days have arrived

I love summer *so* much.

Pool days. friends. picnics. bbqs. did someone say mojito??

Rue had his first taste of a kiddie pool yesterday, and today we're going back for more. Vitamin D here we come! What's your favorite thing about summer?

15 weeks

My little Ruester is cooing and talking to himself like crazy, he's fascinated with blankets and loves to put everything in his mouth. But the big milestone this week: Rolling! My babe rolled from his back to his stomach! He's been nearing a complete roll for a few weeks but his shoulder kept tripping him up. Finally, he conquered. I'm such proud mama bear.

I don't have video of the first roll to show you, because well, it was such a surprise! But I promise I'll snag a video soon....

I love watching him grow up!

xx, Y

Have kid, will travel

Ruehl's first road trip [sans Dad] was last week. We drove 4.5 hours to Ohio.

Pre-formula, a road trip would've been a NIGHTMARE. As my friend Lydia said 'that sounds like a REALLY bad idea Yana.' I agreed.

Post-formula, it was fantastic. He slept great in the car seat and loved being passed around from friend to friend. That made me a happy mama. So much so, that I didn't even mind the 3 projectile events that happened on our short 3 days away from home.

We fed him a bottle in the car. He was happy as a little clam. When we got to the hotel, my mom checked in and I was holding Rue in the lobby. Suddenly, I hear him burp the loudest burp ever, followed by his entire meal projectile spewing onto me and the lobby floor, followed by another burp. It was e.p.i.c. -Exorcist style. His little scared face with wet eyes said it all, poor kid. It was so embarrassing that I just laughed. My mom and I got into the elevator and almost peed on ourselves from laughter. Projectile #1.

Later that night his nose was stuffed up, so I used the saline spray to unclog him. I sprayed, he did a little freak out dance, cry and then......like a volcano erupting his nose cleared out all over me. Projectile #2.

The final 'event' was a dirty diaper morning blowout, that had squished out of the diaper and around his legs, filling his sleeper. And, of course, like good stories go, when I popped the buttons open the poop FLEW at me, with impressive force. It stuck to my arm, my shirt and leg, also landing on the floor and bed. Projectile #3.

[welcome to motherhood]

This weekend we are flying to Maine to visit the Grandparents. Hopefully, Rue's first flight is a success and if there is anymore 'projectile' involved that Chris can be lucky enough to get in on the action.

What's your funniest projectile story??

'the light at the end of the tunnel is brought to you by Nutramigen'

Day 4 of Nutramigen, a lactose free formula.

HE IS ALREADY A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BABY.

Yesterday he took three [count em, THREEEE] naps, one of which was 3 hours long, and the rest of the day he was HAPPY. As in, didn't cry all day. Which was, the FIRST day of his life that he didn't cry. I am still in shock and awe.

The formula is expensive, but to see his happy little face all day long, it's so worth the money.

Poor Kid, he had so much tummy/gut pain that he would just cry cry cry after he ate. So to get him to calm down, I would feed him again. Which would make everything worse. I knew he wasn't colicky, but I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Thank God for Pediatricians who know their stuff.

[I am bumming about not being able to breastfeed him anymore. Last Friday when it was feeding time, I habitually sat down on my 'spot' on the couch and started to unhook my bra, when I realized....'I'm not breast feeding him anymore' it hit me like a ton of bricks. I went and fixed him a bottle, cradled him in my arms, began to feed him, and cried. Tears of joy, and sadness. Joy that he is not hurting anymore. Joy that I got to nourish him with my breasts and build up his immune system. I wish I had savored up every drop our last feeding. But I keep telling myself that my arms and kisses, love and words will nourish him.]

I'm sure there will still be rocky days ahead, but I'm saying hooray, hooray for the light at the end of this dark three month long tunnel.

all my love, Y

I'm a perfectionist, and a wimp

It's true, I am a perfectionist. Not in the 'my house has to be spotless' way, but rather the 'expecting my self to be a perfect, crunchy, green, baby wearing, co-sleeping, cloth diapering, never a depressed thought perfect mom to the perfect baby who never cries & sleeps all the time. That's what I expected, it's not what I got. The last 3 months have been a nightmare.

I'm sure I sound extreme, but I feel I extreme. My little boy isn't a text book baby.

He has cried for 3 months. He has horrible gas that keeps him from sleeping and wakes him up when he does sleep. Nap time is a fight. He will take 1 out of 4 naps a day. Nights are just starting to get better. Breastfeeding started off great and somewhere along the line he wasn't gaining weight. I saw a lactation consultant for a month and we are back on track, but we have a lot of weight to gain before he's up to where he should be. The pediatrician suspects that his stomach can't handle the lactose and he's in pain. I have cut out dairy, but he's still unhappy. We might need to try a high-enzyme formula, which means I can't breastfeed for a while. I feel like I've failed.

That's where the wimp part comes in.

I've been too afraid to blog about this. About post-partum depression. About feelings of helplessness. Of frustration. Fear. Panic. Thoughts of 'what have I done to deserve this?' Feelings of anxiety. Despair. Failure. Expectation. I've been afraid of being judged by the mom's who have the perfect babies, and the perfect blogs to go with it. The mom's who's life looks like a fairy tale. I read their posts and cry, thinking...is their life really picture perfect like it seems? Or are they as unhappy as I am but aren't saying it?

So, I am finally saying it. This is really, really, stinkin hard. If you are one of those blessed mommies who's babies sleep well through the night, takes naps during the day, you have the time and energy to cloth diaper, you can paint your nails, eat square meals, have time to clean your house & cook dinner with out breaking a sweat, you. lucked. out. Don't take it for granted. There are other mommies out there who want to pull their hair out every day.

My life isn't perfect, and I don't want to post only the good stuff. I'm glad I finally grew a pair and shared this with you guys. This is a 'confessions of a new mom'.

12 weeks old

new milestones this week:

finding his feet.

sucking his thumb. [in a true comfort himself kind of way]

almost rolling onto his belly. Those shoulders keep trippin' him up!

[don't worry little buddy, you'll get it soon]

Another thing I'm proud of:

my kid is SUCH a poser.

le sigh. I heart him.

Brink Family Farm

I live for the weekends, and what a fabulous weekend it was!

: lots of QT with the husband in the backyard, weeding, tilling, and seeding our new grass.

a huge bbq with good, good friends.

slept in [till 8:30].

exchanged some green onions for our neighbor's delicious blackberry/lime cocktail. [we got the better end of the dealio]

but my favorite of all.....thanks to the baby napping for 2 hours...we planted our garden!!

I would've sprouted seeds if I didn't have a colicky 3 month old. So, off to Home Depot we went!

We returned armed with hopes of green thumbs and 6 varieties of tomatoes, 3 colors of bell peppers, cucumbers, yellow squash, waxy hungarian peppers, mint, cilantro and the love of my taste buds, basil.

Grow little plants growww! I vant to eet yoo.

allie from it's a wonderful life planted the 'Marr Family Farm' on Sunday too...but her pictures are much cuter than mine. ;)