totes adorbs!

the cute factor in this video is off the charts!

happy birthday Jesus, and merry christmas y'all!

music is a memory

As D-day quickly approaches [44 days, holla!] I am getting my ducks in a row: Things to have on hand for the birthday. Ordering the birth pool liner. Ice cream bucket for the placenta. Say it with me in a spanish accent, PLAAACENTA. Drag out that A. Cheking off the list of midwife requested items: washcloths, towels, coconut water, witch hazel and jumbo jet 747 sized pads. But I've added my own important item thing on the list:
Birth play list! MUSIC!

I had a playlist prepared for Rue's birth, but when shove came to push [ha] all I wanted to listen to was Brian and Jenn Johnson's cd "Love Came Down". That sucker was on repeat for nearly 24 hours. Straight. I didn't want to listen to anything else. Afterwards, I was tempted to throw the cd into a bucket of gasoline and light a match. It was a gorgeous cd, tainted with crazy wonderful painful memories. I couldn't listen to it after [for a long time] without being lurched back to that place, and just turning it off.

Then tonight, it came on my iTunes and all I could do was smile as I remembered my 24 hour labor! It was a beautiful cd for me again! That makes me think I am more ready for this birth that I ever thought.

Isn't it amazing how music [and scent!] can contain such sensory memories and bring us right back to a specific moment in time?

OK, off I go to start compiling my song list. Any recommendations?

paint speaks

I told a friend 'I am painting little miss's bureau tonight' and she asked me 'what color?' and I responded, 'I  don't know yet, I am making custom colors as I go' and she called me quite the 'arteeest'.
Flattering, but I kind of shied away from it. Why? Well, I didn't actually have a 'plan' of what I was going to create. For a perfectionist like moi, sometimes no plan is the best plan. Because if I know exactly what it is I want and can't active it, I am disappointed in myself *creatively*. I am my worst critic. So, instead, I make a point to throw out a plan and listen to the paint.  Paint speaks, and I strive to listen. When I dive into a project and just let my heart be open, and my options wide, I am able to create outside of my box. Go with the flow and throw fear out. Because there's nothing that white primer and 60 grit sand paper can't fit. That's how God feels to me. He speaks, and I try my best to listen with earnest. And I respond, and sometimes what happens in my heart is beautiful and inspiring. Sometimes I mess up and overdo it, and try too hard to make [or be] something perfect, or something that I have seen before. And that's when God steps in with the white out and we start over. He doesn't want us to be someone else, or do something that has been previously created and perfected. He wants to create something new in us, through us. Many beautiful scriptures describe being a new creation:
Ephesians 4:24 -And to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 2:10 - For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Isaiah 65:17 - Behold, I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, not will they come to mind.

See, white out. And the running theme, 'create something new'.

I love God. I don't think I say that enough on this little blog. But seriously, I do.  It so inspiring to serve a Creator that loves to create something new in me, every day. So friends, let's throw out fear of failure and mistakes and just let God create something new in us. Primer and sandpaper is always there.

preparing for 'D-day'

Every day, I try to remember to take a moment and think about Delivery day.

It's quickly approaching, at a mere 56 days according to my i-Phone ticker. So wether I'm late [heavens, please no, not again] I'm 'ripe' and ready, or even early [gasp! do I even entertain the thought?] time is ticking away. Tick...tick...ticking away. So today I prepared for birth by watching A Baby Story. I usually avoid it completely because as a home birthing mama, the hospital intervention/mantra completely stress me out. But today's episode was a home/water birth, and it was so real. She was in pain, for sure, but it was still peaceful. It was beautiful. She birthed her daughter in the water and pulled her up to her chest. 

AND I LOST IT. Bawling-my-eyes-out LOST IT. It made my heart swell up with overwhelming excitement and anticipation for MY moment. For that first moment when I get to hold my little baby girl in my arms. To finally see the life that I've been growing and dreaming about.  

I can say with all honesty I have about 98% confidence and peace in my heart when I think about labor.

So that leaves a mere 2% of me that is FREAKING out. 

Question for the mamas reading: how did/do you prepare for labor? The first time is so scary and unknown, so is the second[+] time easier because of having less to fear?

I welcome any encouraging advice, prayers and wisdom. I'd like to eradicate that 2% if at all possible ;)

Love, Yana   

November Showers bring PINK girly stuff

My incredible Mother, MIL and best friends showered Little Miss and I last night. Best party ever!
Pink champagne for the ladies, cider for me. Delicious stinky cheese and crackers [my love language] Dried fruit and nuts. Turkish lamb meatballs and chicken kebabs. Tabouli and Fall inspired salads.

The gifts were outta control. Little Miss' shoe collection is quickly overshadowing mine, receiving 8 shoes and booties, all pink and silver. Add those to the 4+ pairs I have already for her, and she owns more shoes than I do! She got a tutu and a crown [YES!] a rad quilt, some sweet headbands and the most incredible hand made baby book. So much pink! I love it. That is just a tiny taste of the love [in gift form] that she received. I can't wait to dress my little fashionista.

I was honored to be sitting in a room full of women that truly love me and are cheering me on as I bring another little life into the world.

The food

The flowers

The Invitation

Cheese & Fruit

Beautiful friends

Beautiful friends continued

Little Miss, Mom, & Me

The handsome Moses Kingsley

Imagining my cider is champagne ;)

My Mother-in-Law & Pastor's wife

Pink cake pops!

Gift bags for the ladies

Opening gifts

Loving friends

oohing & ahhing

Ladies

with my 'baby'

My Beautiful Moms

The man responsible for it all ;)

sand in all the right places

Florida. Was. Lovely.

[ignore the improper grammar and hear my sentiment.]

[I need to pause between each word for emphasis.]

Florida. Family. Vacation. Was. So. Lovely.

!!!

I *actually* rested. I didn't think that resting & relaxing on vacation was possible with a toddler. Honest. But we did, and it was magnificent. We grilled. We swam. We sunbathed. We walked. We played shuffleboard with the rest of the 65+ snowbirds. We fed seagulls. We rented a boat. We talked about baby girl names. We laughed. We played speed and Taboo [& I kicked Chris's butt] We didn't watch tv. We didn't sleep in [thanks to Runi]. We went on a date night to a swanky foodie restaurant [thanks to Coco for babysitting]. We got sand in all the right places. 

It was a glorious final vacation as a family of 3!

Photos to come.

xo.

instagram happiness

his first snow day

27 weeks            

morning snuggles 

feeding the ducks 

snow walk           

               

rue getting cozy   

old chair, new home

  ruff day                   

  loving on his Coco    

 wet cheerios, fat chin

  

   naked alphabet time 

the most beautiful Anthro rug I've ever seen is now laying on my living room floor. 

It was a surprise gift from my mother. 

I am freaking out.

                        

[Re] fresh

I recently shared some fears about the next baby. There's something to be said about getting things off your chest, sharing, putting yourself out there...and with the right support team around you, there's no judgement or shame. Just encouragement. Love. Support. And that is the case for me. I am in a MUCH better place. My heart is refreshed. I'm thankful.

I am also thankful for......VACATION. Saturday my family and I are headed to Siesta Keys, FL for a week. This is our first vacation in over a year! My parents are joining us for 5 days too! I am so looking forward to some good QT time. It will be Rue's first trip to the beach (well, we took him to Hawaii when he was 5 months old, but that didn't count because then he was just eating the sand! Now we will be playing, building sand castles and searching for sea shells!) AND, it's my gorgeous mom's birthday! I see lots of laughs, delicious food, and fun in the future. And, 80 degree weather. HELLO. It snowed last weekend...so I'm thankful for some sunshine! 

I should go pack. But that would mean pausing this Grey's Anatomy rerun, getting up off this couch and out from under this warm blanket. 

Ain't gonna happen.

;)

shank you very much.

I have some seriously awesome, seriously wise friends. So many encouraging words given on & off this blog. Thanks for your love on my last post. In theory; I KNOW I am going to be fine, in the end.  I am better off this time around, for starters, because now I know I'm not perfect. What I mean is, I didn't realize I was a massive perfectionist, which set me up for massive 'failure' when I couldn't fulfill my perfect expectations for myself. I was my worst judge, worst personal enemy.

So out with the bathwater the perfectionism went, and I am a better person for it. I am going into the next phase of baby number two with as wide open a heart as possible, with arms big enough to embrace the little one and the huge changes that will come with it. With her! Still adjusting to the words 'her, she, sister' with a grin plastered to my face.

Till now pregnancy has gone without a hitch, thank goodness. But these past few days, on the other hand, I am starting to FEEL IT BIG TIME. That deep and strange pain in the pelvis feeling. And I have about 3 months left?? Oh dear me. And hormones are manifesting not in the weepies, but in the form of super annoyed and PO'd. 'The Anger Sharks Are Swimming!' has been said a lot lately. Haha.

But it's ok, I can do this...just 13 more weeks. The holidays will be here before I know it. I am thrilled to be hosting Thanksgiving & Christmas this year. With those two events, I will have plenty to keep me busy.

Well. Enough rambling.
Love you doves.

xo, Y

type & delete

...how many times do I start typing a post...then delete? How many times have I hit 'tap tap tap' on that delete button? How many drafts do I have sitting in my post box? Have I been gone too long, does this place seem unfamiliar? Or am I really just afraid of being honest?
Sometimes my mind feels like a high speed train on crack. So it's extra super fast-fast. Ideas float in and out and before I have a chance to grasp and process I hear a bowl of cheerios scatter across the floor. Grab a broom and go go go. I want to get back to that grasp & process part but I barely have a moment. Where is the dang "Selah" button when you need it!

Then he sleeps. Here's my moment. Brain kicks back into full gear. I think 'oh crap oh crap oh craaaapppp. Another baby. In three months. How will I handle it? How can I do this again? Will I survive it? The first go around was me surviving tooth and nail till the 7th month mark and even after that I still cried a lot. What is going to happen this time??'

The fear makes my mind numb. I start to zone out and stare into space. My mind goes from the speed of light, to a speed even a slug would be embarrassed by.

Then, I feel her kick.
Hello, reality check. Ready or not, prepared or not, baby will COME.
I take a deep breath.
Remember somehow, every little thing is gonna be alright. God tells me so.
Exhale.

I start typing. This time is don't hit the delete button. I just keep typing. I open my heart and keep typing. I don't shy away from being honest, from laying it out there for everyone to see. I let it be heard the I am scared of the unknown. Life doesn't have the undo/delete button. It's one choice, that leads to another, that makes the person you are, you.  Ever wonder what older you would tell the younger you? My older me would probably say 'Stop being a martyr. Grow a pair. Kids grow quick. Quit whining. Sex gets even better! Chin up buttercup!' I imagine older me is more sarcastic that younger me.

I didn't think when I started this post that it would turn out like this, but that's just the point. That's life. It's not what you expect. But we gotta do it like we mean it, and hit publish.

brink family, 2011

my beautiful little family of 3 (& 1/2) captured by the lovely Brit Fray.

http://www.britfrayphotography.com/