Valuable lessons 101

1. RUN THE DISHWASHER DAILY. I have always thought that my frugal hand washing skills saves on water consumption. But, it doesn't. Google told me so. Look it up. Don't you believe everything Google says? Running my dishwasher daily keeps my kitchen clean. Which, keeps my man happy. Which, keeps me happy. Happy happy Brink Haus.

(thanks Samantha for that little life changing suggestion)

2. DON'T GO CLOTHES SHOPPING WITH A TODDLER. Or, when you must don't bother to try on clothes. If you leave him in the cart as you shop, he will writhe and contort his body around and reach the rack behind him and pull all the clothes off the hanger. Or, start screaming! If you bring the cart into the room, he might reach the door handle and open it up as you are trying on a bathing suit and 3 target employees see you in your underwear. OR....if you take him out of the cart (because you want to stop the screaming) he might just escape under the door and run away. More embarrassing underwear sightings. So, instead...simply pick your favorites, buy them all, bring 'em home and put on a sexy bra and do a fashion show for your husband. He'll love it and he'll let you keep them! Win!

3. ASSUME YOU WILL BE OUT LATER AND LONGER THAN YOU ANTICIPATE. Bring lots and lots of food and water for your growing munchkin's-bottomless-pit-belly. If you don't you WILL regret it. Avoid the screams. Avoid frantic stops to scary gas stations. Bring food. Lots.

4. ASSUME THE MENAGERIE OF CHEERIOS SCATTERED ON THE FLOOR ARE INDEED WET AND WILL FEEL GROSS IF YOU STEP ON THEM WITH BARE FEET. Clean up food particles promptly.

Do you have any good ideas/tips/lessons learned to share? I am sure there are a few moms with multiples that have some goodies!

xo, Y

confessions of a new mom with a toddler

Day 5 of being stuck at home.

Rue woke up monday with a snotty faucet nose and since then has been snotty and whiny-Mc-whinerton -sir-whines-a-lot.

I haven't wanted to go anywhere, because who likes to shop & go to Starbucks with a whiny baby? And who likes to take their sick baby to a playdate? Not me. I had been so strong all week, until last night:

When I had crushed my millionth cheerios, when I had found him sucking on a Method floor cleaner bottle [the lid was closed...whew.] when I had refolded the laundry 3 times because he loves to take things out of the basket, when he refused the food he normally loves, when I had listened to whining for 35 hours, when I had picked up poop with my bare hands thinking it was black beans from lunch [which, in theory it was] when the poop had trickled down his leg and up his back, when he peed on the floor waiting for me to slam dunk his poopy butt into the tub, when i found him turning on the gas burners, when he took all of his bottles/feeding paraphernalia out of his drawer and when he had taken all the books off the bookshelf for the 3rd time in one day. Thats when I lost it.

'I CAN'T FRIGGIN TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!! I'M DONE!'

Thankfully meltdown city was perfectly timed to Chris getting home. He arrived to a roaring wife, over cooked dinner, and a surprisingly happy son. Isn't that the irony, when your husband gets home your kids are on their best behavior and all of your desperate texts to your husband make you look like a crazy person?

In bed that night he asked me if I was ok. Fitting question, as I was crying.

No. I'm not ok. I'm feeling very trapped by the responsibility of a child. Of being a stay at home mom. Some days I just don't want to do it. Sometimes other moms and blogs who's lives look neat and organized and who have shiny happy kids that seem perfect and here I am wanting to run away. Yes, I'll have a side of guilt trip please, thank you. I'm struggling with the fact that my son is growing up and as much as I love it, I can't stop it. But I want to! Most of the time I want to savor every moment...but weeks like this make me say get me the hell out of 2011 and give me an 8 year old please! SURE...we had some sugar sweet melty heart moments when he would walk up to me and sit on my lap and lean back and look up at me and touch my face. And then sir whines a lot would think of something he didn't have and wanted and would start the whiny whines again. Old people say 'Enjoy every moment! Before you know they will be going to college!

I'm finding it difficult to balance the 'savoring' moments and the 'check please' moments.

Looking for perspective. If you have some please leave it after the beep...

{beeeeeep}

featherweight

I blame Pennsylvania's soil; it's very fertile.

And apparently so, because all my best friends are pregnant! They are making the huge transition into new territory, another division completely. 1 to 2 kids = The Heavyweights.

As much as I hate to admit it, I am feeling a little left in the dust. I'm still a Lightweight. Is that strange? Is it immature to feel that way?

I should clarify that I am thrilled for them. I am. 100%. And I am not jealous in the slightest.

I am also not ready for number 2.

So what's my deal??? Is it that I want to relate to my peers?

This is what it is: Now that Rue is the most sweet, joyful, fun & full of life boy and not the crazy cryfest cranky mc crankster clawing miserable baby my overwhelming drive to NOT get pregnant must've gone down the drain with the rest of the bathwater. I had the devil's advocate on my shoulder saying 'how could you even consider another baby? Do you remember the last year? You bawled your eyes out for 3 months straight, and then you still weren't truly happy until month 7....' But now I have a baby-loving cherub on my other shoulder and the Jekyll-Hyde duo are duking.it.out.

I want another baby when the timing is right. So I'm praying. God knows my heart and where I am at. He knows what's good for me. I want to be content in all circumstances, like Paul in Philippians 4:11. '...for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.' It's very possible that I have some weight to gain emotionally, so that in the future I can weigh in with the other heavy weights, physically. Like that metaphor? Yes, I do too.

Love, the featherweight mama

Not all grey...

I don't know if it's teething, his new found mobility, or his growing independence, but suddenly my boy has no desire to sleep. His two naps are a measly 45 minutes, nighttime wake ups are happening again and my mommy love/patience/grace tank is getting low low low.

My fb status from this morning:

A morning with my girls and coffee saved Rue's cute lil' neck from strangulation. He knew it too, because just today he said 'mama'. Cheeky monkey already knows how to butter me up.

And I mean strangulation in the most humorous, sarcastic way possible. You gotta laugh right? I'm just being honest here friends...some mommy days you realize there must've been fine print that you didn't read when you signed up for this kid business.

There were some great moments today, so I must give credit where credit is due.

My day was not all grey! [see Chris, your girl can be an optimist!] The sun was shining and the sky was blue. I had coffee with mahh best girlfrenz at a kid friendly coffee shop. All the kiddos played like champs. Rue said 'mamamamamama'!! Which was heaven to my ears. And.......he took a LOT of steps! I think by his first birthday we will have a full blown walker.

Another day bites the dust. Thankfully, there is always tomorrow.

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow.

xo.

Good Mommy/Confessions of a new mom

The moment I found out I was pregnant I thought 'wow. I hope that I will be a good mom to this little baby!' I had a pretty strong idea of what a 'good' mom meant, and I had no idea I would be setting myself up for failure. 'Good' mom equated to = 'perfect'.

I had this idea that a good mom was: Effortless. Organic. Chic. On top her game. Co-slept. Wore her baby all the time. Cloth diapered. Breastfed. Never depressed. Never lost her temper. Made fresh home made baby food all the time. Stylish. Always showered, clean and wore makeup.

I quickly [and by quickly, I mean quickly] realized I had failed. It's easy to fail when you have unrealistic Mt. Kilimanjaro-sized expectations for yourself.

Yet I still struggled with myself. "Am I still a good mom if I run out of grace and lose my temper? Am I a bad mom if I leave Rue to cry in his crib after my bag of tricks to entertain/feed/clothe/distract gets emptied? Am totally lame that he has most likely eaten a cup of dirt/leaves/grass while I wasn't looking? Do good mom's let their kids suck all the ink off the tags from toys made in China???

The answer that I have come to 8 months later ? OF COURSE I'M A GOOD MOM. I'm a great mom. Webster's definition of good is : of a favorable character or tendency. Virtuous. Right. Commendable. Adequate. Suitable.

Some days I: lose my temper, forget deodorant, don't start dinner until 8 pm, leave dirty clothes to roast and stew for a week, let Rue eat grass, cry when I'm exasperated and wish someone would hold me and rock me to sleep.... but, I'm a good mom because I love good. I love hard. I adore my son. I do the best that I can and that's enough. I don't strive for perfection anymore, just the best version of myself. And who knows maybe someday Rue will adore me and think that I'm perfect, just like they way I looked at my mom when I was little. I don't think he's going to care that about any of the petty things that I beat myself up with.

If you are reading this and you can relate in any way, take heart. Go easy on yourself. I have read so many blogs that impacted me and really changed my view point, and I hope that I have done that for someone else today. Learn from my mistakes! Know that you are a GREAT mom no matter what. And for heaven's sake, let's omit the term 'good' mom and adopt being 'great', shall we??

I'm a perfectionist, and a wimp

It's true, I am a perfectionist. Not in the 'my house has to be spotless' way, but rather the 'expecting my self to be a perfect, crunchy, green, baby wearing, co-sleeping, cloth diapering, never a depressed thought perfect mom to the perfect baby who never cries & sleeps all the time. That's what I expected, it's not what I got. The last 3 months have been a nightmare.

I'm sure I sound extreme, but I feel I extreme. My little boy isn't a text book baby.

He has cried for 3 months. He has horrible gas that keeps him from sleeping and wakes him up when he does sleep. Nap time is a fight. He will take 1 out of 4 naps a day. Nights are just starting to get better. Breastfeeding started off great and somewhere along the line he wasn't gaining weight. I saw a lactation consultant for a month and we are back on track, but we have a lot of weight to gain before he's up to where he should be. The pediatrician suspects that his stomach can't handle the lactose and he's in pain. I have cut out dairy, but he's still unhappy. We might need to try a high-enzyme formula, which means I can't breastfeed for a while. I feel like I've failed.

That's where the wimp part comes in.

I've been too afraid to blog about this. About post-partum depression. About feelings of helplessness. Of frustration. Fear. Panic. Thoughts of 'what have I done to deserve this?' Feelings of anxiety. Despair. Failure. Expectation. I've been afraid of being judged by the mom's who have the perfect babies, and the perfect blogs to go with it. The mom's who's life looks like a fairy tale. I read their posts and cry, thinking...is their life really picture perfect like it seems? Or are they as unhappy as I am but aren't saying it?

So, I am finally saying it. This is really, really, stinkin hard. If you are one of those blessed mommies who's babies sleep well through the night, takes naps during the day, you have the time and energy to cloth diaper, you can paint your nails, eat square meals, have time to clean your house & cook dinner with out breaking a sweat, you. lucked. out. Don't take it for granted. There are other mommies out there who want to pull their hair out every day.

My life isn't perfect, and I don't want to post only the good stuff. I'm glad I finally grew a pair and shared this with you guys. This is a 'confessions of a new mom'.

Confessions of a New Mom

I'm debuting a new series!

'Confessions of a New Mom' has been rolling around in my head for the past 7 weeks, and what a humbling 7 weeks they have been. I want the series to be a very honest look at being a new mom, full of wonders, questions, concerns, tears & laughs.

Cheers to Motherhood!

1. So, you spend 9 months incubating a human. They stretch your body out to extremes you didn't know possible. You visit every public bathroom in your city because they love to use your bladder as a pillow. You plan, prepare, nest, spend money, and bother folding all the little itty bitty clothes and stack them neatly in their dresser. Then D-Day comes. You labor. Long and Hard. Hours or days later, somehow...you squeeze a melon out a hole the size of a lemon drop.

Your baby is hoisted up onto your chest, and instantly you're in flutterby-twitterpated-love. But, instead of going to a day spa to rest, heal and an recuperate, full with all you can drink cocktails, you have to care for a newborn. A pooping, crying, newborn. You waddle like you rode a bucking bronco for a few days and your derrière is 'out of order'. Your girl bits? Well, let's just hope your husband doesn't scream like a little girl when he sees 'it' for the first time?

OH THE JOYS NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT.

2. I cried as much as he did the first three weeks.

3. household chores and laundry hava taken a back seat since Rue arrived. Between the constant feeding, holding, feeding, nuzzling, feeding, changing, feeding, burping... [did I mention FEEDING??] it's considered a 'productive day' if I've showered, brushed my teeth and am wearing mascara.

4. Ruehl is exploring his vocal chords, and nothing thrills my heart more than to hear him cooing, and gurgling. He also gave us his first smile at 6 weeks. Best moment ever.

5. It's very difficult to type one handed.

6. I'm an open bar, and my son is a milk-a-holic. No. Seriously. Feeding every 1.5-2 hours, at 40-50 minutes per feed....I'm basically one big PERMA BOOB.

7. Parenthood is more incredible, beautiful and awesome than I could've dreamed. It's also more humbling and challenging than I expected. I guess it's just one of those things that no one can explain. You just have to experience it for yourself.

The Last of the Confessions Series

1. My midwife says, 'ok, could be tomorrow, or 3 more weeks!' Sweet Lord, Have Mercy.
Was that meant to be encouraging or torturous? Because it was lots of the latter. Realistic, YES. Hard to hear, YES.

2. I was brave, and went to church on Sunday. On the drive there I braced myself for the questions & comments: 'When are you DUE? You haven't POPPED YET!?!? Are you excited? You don't LOOK as miserable as you're probably feeling! You have totally dropped, it's going to be soon! Oh, you haven't dropped yet...It's going to be at LEAST three weeks.... ETC.
[for the record, I was asked nearly all those...and more]

3. As I type this, '18 Kids and Counting' is on tv. I should watch it more...it's pure birth control.

4. While I am hoping The Prince arrives soon, I really hope that I can get over this funky cold first! I sound a little drag queen-ish, I'm stuffed up, and I cough all night. Wahhh.

5. My pelivs bones feel like they are going to shatter....that's a sign he's coming soon, Right?

6. This Sunday, the 31st, is the offical due date. And, there is a full moon. I've heard that more babies are born around the full moon.....Fingers Crossed!

7. His nursery is done. It makes me happy. I'll post pictures...

8. Baby and I are both healthy.

9. Can this belly get any bigger?

10. D-day. Come soon. I want to meet you offspring!!!

Confessions

The 'Confessions of a Pregnant Woman' series has been really fun for me. I've enjoyed sharing the ins and outs of my pregnancy with you all. But you know what's crazy? There's only time for one or two more of them! So without further ado....

1. Every day (and sometimes hourly) I voice the same phrase as though I have never said it before: 'He is coming soon. He is going to be here soooooo sooooooonnnnn.

2. We are calling the birth 'D-Day'. Um, What? Doesn't the WWII storming of the Beach of Normandy, France conjure up thoughts of a serene home birth to you?? Ok, so not exactly. But it works for me...

3. I have been carrying my sister's dog around in my sling, to practice babywearing.

4. Baby is growing big and the room in there just doesn't seem as adequate as before!
Now I have little toes jamming into my ribs. However, his head is down which is great because it's likely he won't be breech. I will take inflamed ribs any day!

5. He has hiccups every day. So funny. I tell him not to be scared. Don't you think hiccups might be scary to a baby?

6. I am starting to get uncomfortable. Like oh god I can't breath uncomfortable. Thankfully he dropped a little yesterday so I can breathe a little better, but my bladder is not impressed!
Maybe the twice nightly peeing is the way the body prepares for nighttime feedings? It's saying get used to this sister...you have a few more months to go.

7. Honestly, I do feel beautiful. My husband tells me so every day, which helps.

8. I really miss my skinny jeans.

9. D-day is 36 days away according to the ticker, but earlier would work just fine for me.

10. I love to hate Braxton Hicks. I have them daily, and I'm glad my body is warming up. I think I might be dilating a little bit, so maybe he will come a little early? Fingers crossed!!

confessions, part 4

1. yesterday I found a picture of myself in a bikini and sighed, then almost cried.

2. babie's r us is a scary place! registering took me 3.5 hours, and if Jessi hadn't come to help me, I would've ended up in a puddle of tears and frustration.

3. so it's quickly becoming apparant that the only two questions [almost with out exception] that people ask me anymore is "When are you DUE?" and followed by "Do you have any names picked out??" auuuuugggghhh. Ok, clearly I am pregnant, but I'm beginning to feel a little lost here? Like when I was engaged, I was lost in the 'when's the wedding' question. I was SO glad to get married and not get asked that anymore. Once our son arrives, the next question will be 'SO when are you having #2!?' Sigh.

4. strangers are beginning to touch me

5. my order of mace is being shipped via Amazon

6. i love chocolate, especially hot

7. #5 was a joke...mostly

8. someone told me [when they saw my belly] 'wow, he's gonna be a big fella'
um, excuse me? Is that a compliment in New Hampshire?

9. gaining weight is really a lot harder than I anticipated. Pre-belly, when I'd hear a pregnant woman complaining about her weight I would say 'no, you look amazing! it's all for the baby! it's a good thing! don't stress about it! the weight will come' But now that I'm wearing these shoes myself, I feel like eating my own words. [see! eating! It's all comes full circle] But dont fret loves, I am eating a plenty for the both of us.

10. on a very serious note, I am so very thankful to be having this baby. Life truly is a miracle, and my heart goes out to a very close friend of mine who miscarred this summer, along with a blog friend who I've been reading for over a year, miscarried last week. It's heartbreaking and my prayers truly are with them.

confessions of a pregnant woman, pt III

1. It has begun. The wearing of the dreaded maternity jeans has begun. [they are so stinkin comfortable, might I add. Still a tad ugly, but at this point, comfort is crucial]

2. 24 weeks tomorrow, and every day has been lovelier than the last. [if you would like me to pray for your pregnancy, I offer prayers for a nominal fee. kidding.]

3. I CAN'T BELIEVE THERE'S ONLY 4 months LEFT. HOLY S@&#. [I'm trying to control my tongue around the babe, but lucky for me he can't read yet.]

4. Baby Room Demo has commenced. Walls are being patched and repainted. Yippee!

5. um. ? [I lose my train of thought sometimes.....]

6. name searching...whittling down the options. I think we'll keep it a surprise once we choose!

7. After I birth brink jr, I'm seriously considering taking midwifery classes...

8. some days I feel really sexy, and some days more whale-esque. On the former days I smile. On the latter I try not to cry as I get dressed. On those days every article of clothing is sprawled on the bed or floor.

9. He seems so happy in there, rolling around. [let's hope he isn't content to over-extend his welcome to my uterus. Prince Brink, this is your mother typing. If you stay in there till 42 weeks, you're grounded.

10. I'm gonna go roast a chicken and enjoy overheating the house, and over-eating my own house.It's fall and I'm pregnant. What else is there do? :)


CIAO LOVES!

confessions of a pregnant woman, pt. 2

1. all I think about is baby.
2. I am half-way there next week! 20 weeks.
3. eeeeee!
4. I grin and squeal often.
5. baby is movin and a groovin, especially when dad plays guitar.
6. I cry at nearly every happy/sappy thing on tv.
7. I've been Soooooooooooo enjoying this pregnancy. Sometimes I think 'why does anyone think this is so hard? It's amazing!'
8. I'm LOVING the second trimester! no more naps!
9. I AM frustrated that my jeans are getting really tight, but I am avoiding the maternity jeans I bought... they scare me!
10. hahahaha. I laugh a lot. I want my baby to be really familiar with my laughter!

confessions of a pregnant woman

Greetings from the tail end of the first trimester-ebbing one week into the second trim. I'm still waiting for the infamous and illustrious energy and oompf that is supposed to accompany it.

This may be brief, but I have many confessions.

• Firstly I haven't been blogging because, I've been sleeping. Quite frankly, I'd rather be sleeping than do pretty much anything. However, I HAVE managed to clean, do laundry, and cook a decent meal for my husband. It just involves lots of naps, sitting down and couching.

• I am starting to panic a bit. Like the 'I have aboslolutely NO IDEA how to take care of a baby' and then my wise husband reminds me that 'no first time mothers have any real idea of what to do....but they learn.' Ah thank you God for giving me a wise man.

• I begin to hyperventilate when I think of how much crap there is in the basement that needs to be sorted through and chucked out. Can I accomplish that while sleep walking??

• All our houseguests and the insanity-of-too-much-activity-jammed-packed-into-two-weeks has finally passed, but I'm still exhausted even after a weekend of nothingness. We've sworn off house guests forever (or until my best friend Kate visits in September) That's what happens when I make my guest room up so cute. People overvisit! lol

• I've been thinking SO much about the birth. Where we want it, who will be here... it will be such a precious time in our lives and I want to plan it well.

• 15 week belly pics were taken today, so I'll post them soon. I didn't like my 14 week, which is why I didn't show em!

ok doves, time for me to ready dinner. love to you all.

xx, Yana