Valentines Day - Pre & Post Kidletts

A Pre-Kidletts Valentines Day Story:

Husband wakes up wife with kisses and a morning romp.
Whispers and promises of more fun to come later.
A sweet ado, and off to work he goes.
Wife spends the afternoon doing whatever the heck she wants and, most importantly, getting ready.
And when pre-kidlett Wife gets ready, she does it right.
Long hot shower, carefully shaved legs, lotion and perfume, curling the hair, curling the eyelashes, make up; the works. And of course, picking out that hot little number, most likely black. Black is slimming.

Husband arrives home from work with a bouquet of favorite flowers adorning his arm.
Husband is super pleased with the hotness of wife. Wife is pleased husband is pleased.
Some flirting, some kissing, and they leave on-time for their romantic dinner.
They drink wine and take long, slow bites, fully enjoying every piece of food that touches their lips.
They look lovingly and longingly into each others eyes. They whisper some more.
They return home, Husband carries Wife over the threshold, and...if you have any imagination at all, you know what comes next.

All in all, a perfect romantic evening.


Post-Kidletts Valentines Day Story:

Wake up bleary eyed from a long night with a newborn.
Husband says, 'I love you'. Bleary eyed Wife says 'Happy Valentines Day babe' and sticks a boob in the baby's mouth and falls back asleep.
Instead of a whisper waking her up she hears ' Mom!! MOM!!! MOOOOOOOOOOM!' thundering from her toddlers room.
She stumbles down the hallway, changes a massive poop diaper and totes toddler downstairs to watch Sesame Street. With both kids spoken for, she bolts into the shower.
Showered, dressed, make up & hair thrown back into a messy chignon in under 4 1/2 minutes.
Wife spends the afternoon changing diapers, nursing, and building skyscrapers with toddler and his blocks.
Husband texts Wife on the way home from the grocery store 'Got into an accident. That was fun.'
A few moments later Wife learns it was minor, Husband is fine and it wasn't his fault.
Wife breathes sigh of relief, then feeds toddler, toddler gets oatmeal everywhere, Wife bathes toddler. [What do you call a woman who bathes a kid and nurses at the same time? SuperWoman.]
Bleary eye and tired Husband arrives home mildly annoyed from the accident, with a slightly crushed single rose adorning his arm. Husband kisses wife, puts away groceries, opens a beer, takes baby from Wife's arms and sits on the couch.
After putting toddler to bed, Husband and Wife start cooking. It's 8 pm. Baby wakes up crying, Wife straps baby in the Moby. With baby finally asleep they finish cooking and sit down around 9 pm to a tasty and hot meal of filet mignon, risotto, and mozzarella caprese. Baby wakes up, of course, so Husband eats meal one handed while holding baby. Toddler rouses, and which parent went to soothe him; this story teller doesn't remember. Wife drinks wine too quickly.
Husband starts to say something romantic, when he is cut off by Wife. Not by her lips, or saying something romantic in return, but rather a fart. Wife had a baby 3 weeks prior and she doesn't have full control of her sphincter muscles yet.
Husband and Wife break into laughter. 'Were you going to say something romantic...and then...I farted???' she sputters in between laughs.
'Yes.'
'Well....let me finish your thought. All.....things.....considered........I  love....you.....aaaaand....?
'...this was a really nice evening.'
'I love you too. Welcome to life with children. Happy Valentines Day babe.
'Happy Valentines day love.'

Husband and wife crawl into bed, with baby, and with a quick kiss, they crash.
No romping for this tired, kidlett-clad couple. There's always next year.

growing belly, growing heart

Pregnancy is going waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay quicker than last time. WAY.

I have a crazy 17 month old to thank for that. No more sitting on my bum reading pregnancy books to my hearts content. I am running around after him!

Sunday I am 16 weeks. Which means, in 16 days, we will find out if we are having another boy or...a little girl. Just over 2 weeks to wait! That's it. Wow. Sheesh! Shit. That's insane.

In other amazing news, I can feel this baby moving already. Life is such a beautiful thing!

Just feeling sappy, that's all.

xo

the little [big] things.

Last week an epic thunderstorm blew into town. Something about the crazy wind and thunder and lighting rolling in the distance got me thinking, got my heart churning. Standing on the balcony next to Chris I blurted out:

'why is it so hard to live in the NOW of life??'

Like most people, I spend a lot much time thinking about the future. About our next house. The next baby. The next horizon. Thoughts like 'when that one thing comes through...when that one thing changes...when those pieces to fall into place.' Dreaming is crucial, of course. Without dreams we would be hopeless. But dream too much and you lose sight of now. Of what's your reality. So I question, why can't I just live in the 'now' and be satisfied? I propose that maybe the day-to-day, the ins and outs of daily life can be mundane. Tunnel vision of sorts. But I don't want to wake up in 10 years and realize my babies turned into kids while I was sleep walking.

Truly, I want to embrace and savor this life that I HAVE, not the life I want. The life that is staring me in the face, daring me to enjoy the little things and not just the grand moments. The life that is messy and crazy and beautiful and challenging.

Rue woke up at 12:30 [thank you tooth #8] and at first I was in a mumble-groan-gripe-exhausted-bad mood and tried to get him back to sleep with no avail. So, I picked him up, and for the next hour or so, I snuggled him in the rocking chair and ran my fingers through his hair. I stroked his little cheeks and stared into the deep darkness of his eyes. He stared right back, and talked to me, in his sweet little mumbo jumbo jibberish language. He rubbed my arm. And then one moment he cupped my cheek so gently and just held my face in his hand. My heart exploded into a million pieces and I couldn't find a trace of bitterness that I was losing sleep and that I would probably be useless the next day. I was enjoying and savoring and soaking up every second of our little nighttime rendezvous.

Today, I am certainly tired, but ohhh so satisfied. I enjoyed a little [big] thing.

success

As a mom, life is constant. One big clean up, following around a giant moving tornado of giggles and messes and whines and spills. Some days I have achieved to-do list 'success' : 4 loads of laundry, made a scrumptious meal, got my toddler napping & eating, gone to the bathroom in peace, bought groceries and done it all in a cool, calm & collected manner. Other days I don't get any thing 'done' except manage to stay in my pj's all day and be available to hug my toddler as often or as little as he wants. But even on those days I know I succeeded because I have LOVED him. 'Success' is subjective and it's definition is exclusive to your set of values, but as the quote below describes, it's all about the little things, and people matter most.

~ To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

up

Things are UP.

Feeling up.

Looking up.

Shaping up.

It's amazing how some sunshine, the arrival of Spring and a glorious weekend with my main squeeze erased the memories of a rotten week.

Baby is happy again, and I am feeling 1000x better. Correct me if I'm wrong, but 5 days stuck in a house with a whiny sick baby will drive anyone to the edge!? I just wanted to thank you friends for all your sweet comments, encouragement and love. You are the best!

xo, Y

cheers 2010

What a heck of a year it's been. The best and worst year of my life.

The birth of my son - best. Two years of marriage celebrated - best.

First 4 months of his life - worst. Health issues - worst.

I can't wait for a new year. A fresh start. Kind of like having a horrible day and by the end of it you are dying to crawl into your bed and go to sleep. There's no guarantee that tomorrow will be better, but you hope it will be. That's how it's been around here.

Dress up. Pop the Champagne. Cheers. Bottoms Up!

soul blooms

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy,

They are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom - Proust

My transition into motherhood has been mind blowing difficult. In this time I have been loved, encouraged, uplifted, prayed for, hugged and blessed by my husband, family and friends. I have the best friends that, honestly, should be included in the family category.

There were moments these past few months that I thought I would die. The overwhelming feeling of despair and the exhaustion of crying.

And then one day, things got a little better. I cried less.

Then the next day, it got a little easier than the day before. That day I didn't cry at all.

Today, I'm not drowning anymore. I swam the English Channel of emotion, and I made it to the other side alive. I still remember the struggle and the pain, but I've conquered.

I'm a better person today than I was February 9th, and I owe that to my family.

They are the charming gardeners who made my soul bloom in my darkest hour.

You know who you are. Thank you.

I'm a perfectionist, and a wimp

It's true, I am a perfectionist. Not in the 'my house has to be spotless' way, but rather the 'expecting my self to be a perfect, crunchy, green, baby wearing, co-sleeping, cloth diapering, never a depressed thought perfect mom to the perfect baby who never cries & sleeps all the time. That's what I expected, it's not what I got. The last 3 months have been a nightmare.

I'm sure I sound extreme, but I feel I extreme. My little boy isn't a text book baby.

He has cried for 3 months. He has horrible gas that keeps him from sleeping and wakes him up when he does sleep. Nap time is a fight. He will take 1 out of 4 naps a day. Nights are just starting to get better. Breastfeeding started off great and somewhere along the line he wasn't gaining weight. I saw a lactation consultant for a month and we are back on track, but we have a lot of weight to gain before he's up to where he should be. The pediatrician suspects that his stomach can't handle the lactose and he's in pain. I have cut out dairy, but he's still unhappy. We might need to try a high-enzyme formula, which means I can't breastfeed for a while. I feel like I've failed.

That's where the wimp part comes in.

I've been too afraid to blog about this. About post-partum depression. About feelings of helplessness. Of frustration. Fear. Panic. Thoughts of 'what have I done to deserve this?' Feelings of anxiety. Despair. Failure. Expectation. I've been afraid of being judged by the mom's who have the perfect babies, and the perfect blogs to go with it. The mom's who's life looks like a fairy tale. I read their posts and cry, thinking...is their life really picture perfect like it seems? Or are they as unhappy as I am but aren't saying it?

So, I am finally saying it. This is really, really, stinkin hard. If you are one of those blessed mommies who's babies sleep well through the night, takes naps during the day, you have the time and energy to cloth diaper, you can paint your nails, eat square meals, have time to clean your house & cook dinner with out breaking a sweat, you. lucked. out. Don't take it for granted. There are other mommies out there who want to pull their hair out every day.

My life isn't perfect, and I don't want to post only the good stuff. I'm glad I finally grew a pair and shared this with you guys. This is a 'confessions of a new mom'.

oh california

Last December [yeah yeah, I'm just now posting the pictures. Don't hate.] Chris and I took a pre-baby-moon-vacation to San Francisco, California. It was an amazing trip.

There were SO many photos to choose from, but here are a few of my favorites.

Fun rental:

sun kissed self portraits

Beautiful scenery

hot tubs

the breathtaking SF

the highway 1 coastline

admiring great views

sweet and fattening breakfasts on the deck

sunsets

babymoooon

gorgeous redwood trees

fires

lovers

twin peaks

coast

pebbles

more trees

our rental house

beach wandering

snuggling

touristy things

incredible crepes

the golden gate in her glory

the whole reason we took this trip:

the belly

Baby Boy is Here!

He's here. He's perfect.

7 pounds, 8 ounces, 20.5 inches long.

Our little prince Ruehl Grayson Brink arrived February 9th at 4:28 pm.

It was the most amazing, shocking, & thrilling moment of my life. The labor was long and intense, but produced the most magnificent little creature I've ever seen!

Welcome to the world my little bean! I'm so in love.

[birth story and more photos to come...I have to go nuzzle for a little while]

the cliff

40 weeks, 3 days. Still pregnant.
Not much of a surprise there, for a first time mom to go over due.
But so many emotions to sort and process. I didn't know exactly what I was feeling till I sent my husband a text that turned into a mini novel:

'This waiting is starting to mess with my head, particularly pertaining to my courage and gumption. Can I really do this? What I mean is, you know...like...standing at the edge of a cliff. The longer you stand and wait...and don't jump, the easier it is to believe you can't jump, won't jump, OR will die if you actually do. If you would've just run up to the edge without looking and jumped, there's only room for falling, not for doubting. I feel like I've been sitting on the lefge, dangling my feet. Twidling my thumbs. Whistling. Guessing how many feet till the waters surface and how cold the water will be.'

I shared that because...honsetly... I'm a little scared. Just a little afraid of this jump into the unknown. Of course I can do it, will do, and won't die. When push comes to shove, I will enjoy the jump, the fall and the plunge. I will swim in new waters and take it all in. I just hope my little boy is ready soon because this mama is ready to take the plunge.

let's do this! (and I'm scared out of my mind)

my friend asked me 'So, how are you feeling? Are you sad, anxious, nervous, excited, avoiding people cuz you can't bear to hear anyone else say "Still hanging in there?" Not going to church? I get it!'



That couldn't describe my feelings more! Wednesday I was a shining, smiling, giddy ball of joy and energy- so ready to meet him. The crib had arrived, the birth pool arrived (hooray!) I took some belly pictures with a friend, and even got my hair cut and colored. I WAS PUMPED. 'Ok baby, you can come now!' I said. Thursday? Thursday I cried into the simmering pot of rice and beans. I thought 'I am going to be so needed by another human being...but I still need to be taken care of. I still need my mom. The idea of that is so overwhelming'
But Wow, my SON! My first born son. I can't wait to meet this little life and grow to know who he is! What an honor.

I get the question 'Are You Excited?!' daily. Answering yes is the understatement of the year.
I am. I sooo am. Ready and scared shitless. But that's normal. Right? right. riiight?

Baby ticker says 19 days, but I'm feeling some deep movement, pelvis pressure, and contractions, so we'll see. Maybe sooner? (yippeee!)

xo, Y

Best of 2009

My Favorite Moments of 2009:

Buying our first house!

Moving in. Hah.

Meeting baby Naomi & becoming Auntie Yaya

Celebrating my Mom & Mom-in-law at my house on Mother's Day. Little did I know, we concieved that day. So technically I was a mom too, and didn't even know it!

The shocking second pink line.

[this would also fall under the category of most scary moment of 2009]



One year Mawwied! Weekend trip to DC







Secretly filming his parents as we reveal our big surprise











My 25th birthday bash. Pregs. So much fun!

A visit from my best friend Kate. I'm rocking my 20 week bump, and she was rocking her new Rock, from freshly proposed fee-yawn-cay, Mr. Petrick.

Going to see my friends Mute Math in concert.

My Baby Shower. The gifts were great, the female chatter was roaring, and the food was bangin'. My mom rocks.

Our trip to San Francisco!

Our 'Last-vacation-with-out-a-baby-for-a-few-years-trip' to San Fran.

2nd mawwied x-mas. First in our home, and first ever pregs.

Giving my sweet man his guitar

There are many many more beautiful memories that only my heart holds.

ok, 2010. What'chu got? Bring it!

new years ressies

I am not much of a new years resolution person, mainly because I don't like not doing what I say I want/plan/hope to accomplish.

BUT. If I did have a list, it would look something like this:

Learn how to be a mom.

Forgive myself as I make mistakes as I learn how to be a mom.

Not have so much disdain for Nicholas Cage, his hairline and his movies.

Learn to love my husband more/better through his love languages.

Love doing the dishes. [cringe]

Enjoy every moment with my baby. [even the poopy, crying, late sleepless nights]

Not have so much disdain for football.

I have many more real resolutions and even more sarcastic and fake ones, but I'll keep this list short and sweet.

What resolutions did you make that you'll actually keep?

xo, Yana

best. christmas. ever. (a.k.a. how do you spell 'recession'?)

What a beautiful, lovely, perfect, sweet, and delicious Christmas it was!
Chris and I hosted the family Christmas for the first time in our little house.
His parents, sister and brother in-love, and Bella, their Chihuahua came to spend the holidays.
(Technically Bella is the first grand baby, or grand dog as we call her. We love her, and she is quite cute and lovable for a small yappy dog. We like to play with her and awww at her cute tricks. But we have started to warn her that soon she will not be the center of attention anymore...there will be a new Little Sheriff in town. Baby Brink will come soon, and he will certainly steal the limelight. As he should! :)

We all seemed to forget how to spell 'recession', which was evident by the ungodly amounts of presents that poured out from the under the tree. When your love language is gifts and you have a family who is the same, it's easy to go overboard. I understand how quickly it can be all about the gifts and have that be the focus, but really when you do it out of a good place of love, then it's not the focus. It's just...the joy of it. I was so happy to see everyone's face light up when they opened something that they truly needed, enjoyed and wanted.

My favorite gift this year was the one I gave Chris. I secretly saved up (and by saved I mean scrimped. Every penny. It's hard when you don't work!) and bought him a beautiful Taylor acoustic guitar. I was crying when I gave it, and he cried when he saw it. It was the best gift I've ever given. And not because it was worth a lot of money, but because it was so heart felt. My husband deserves the world for taking care of me and our house, for selflessly going to work every to provide for our family. He needed to be thanked, and sometimes my words just can't do justice what is in my heart. I wanted to do something for him that he would never do for himself. He is just too selfless. In this season of our lives as we prepare for our baby to come, the needs are ever increasing. So spending so extravagantly wasn't maybe the smartest idea, but it needed to be done. He is worth that much to me.

So as I gave it to him all I could do was cry....I could hardly spit out the speech I had created. I just watched him in awe as he was overwhelmed, and he was speechless too. I can tell you, this 'love' thing....is really SO much better, and deeper and amazing than I expected.

My favorite gift I got? An hour long prenatal massage (thank you chris!!) Other favs included a Jelly Cat alligator for my son. He and Ardi the Arvark will be great friends. What else... Oh!! A harddrive from my dad. So now I can finally free up some space on my overly full computer, restore some order, and begin blogging again. (I would've gone to the library like I said I would, but we had quite the snow storm, and I've already slipped once on the ice. So I don't want to take any more chances.)

There is so much more to write about, but I have to end it here. Coffee and Saturday is calling. I must comply. Future posts: new belly pics & 'Confessions'

LOVE & LOVE, Cheers, Bliss, xo,
Yana

i'm baaaaaack!!!

Holy. Majoley.

My long blogging break was not intentional! In the spirit of the holidays, let's hold hands and thank my overloaded and extremely slow and old computer, that has totally ruined java script and cookies. BAHHH.

So much has happened since my last post!

Firstly, let me say......holly jolly merry holidays to everyone!!!

Secondly, I am becoming somewhat of a spectacle, belly wise. Loves, there is just 7 weeks till my due date!

Once the holidays are over, the leftovers are gone and the in-laws have returned home, there will be just 5 weeks remaining. Which means =Operation Major Nesting will commence. I CANT WAIT!

I really want to post the pics from our recent "babymoon" to San Francisco, but I'm not sure my computer can handle the pressure. It was an amazing and restful vacation.

Augh! I'm bursting with holiday excitement, thankfulness, burgeoning belly, happiness, and many many blog topics. I will be back, I promise. Even if I have to go to a library and type on a dirty keyboard, I WILL blog again. and soon.

love and miss all you readers and friends!!!

xx, Yana

eff me.

rowr!

I'm having one of those days where pulling out some hair would make me feel a lot better.

Not my hair, but his hair:

I enjoyed googling for 'Donald Trump Hair' pictures so much.....now I'm laughing and honestly not very upset anymore. Thanks Donnie.

[i was going to blog about how overwhelmed in every way that i am. That we are over committed and don't have enough time...and that i'm 'only 25 and childless, how can I feel so overwhelmed already????' But. thanks to Don. And to small projects/victories that I accomplished today, I CAN handle it all. maybe just today's worth of battles, but as least I can handle today.

ah, victory is mine!

walkin' on sunshine

the last few days of summer linger on, and I'm savoring every inch of it. I've never cherished a summer so much in my adult life! Lazy evenings with my husband, and being pregnant have made this such a special summer for me.

knowing that this time next year I'll have a little crawler on my hands makes me smile! Another reason so savor this last season is that it will be my last with Chris...with just the two of us. So goodbye sweet summer. I will savor fall with every ounce of my being and enjoy the snowfall and being cooped up in my house. I will NOT complain that I have nothing fun to do. I will enjoy it all.

my belly grows every day and my little boy moves, kicks and nudges me throughout the day. I am the happiest pregnant person alive!!

what else is on my mind? the unknown of it all. yet, oddly I have no fear, no anxiety. Which if you know me, is SO unlike me. I love to know what's next around the bend, and how to anticipate it. But i feel like having a child is so unknown. In a moment's notice my life will change. In just a blink of an eye I will begin loving another person more than my own life....

My friend katie said that having kids is like watching your heart run around on the outside of your body. Watch out world...I'm growing up.