Amelie's Birth

My son was 10 days overdue, or  'ripe' as I like to say. So naturally, I fully expected the same treatment from his little sister. When labor started strong and consistent a day before her due date, I didn't believe it was true!

January 21st we walked to my parents for dinner. I had several contractions on the walk over. I am very familiar with Braxton Hicks, I've had them for the past 3 months. So naturally, I assumed...it wasn't real labor. After we arrived I asked for a small glass of red wine and sat down. Quickly I realized the contractions were quite regular. But no need to time them, 'this isn't real labor. It can't be.' After 30-45 mins of contractions, I pulled out my iPhone and started tracking. Three minutes apart, on-the-dot! Chris, Rue, and my parents sat down at the dining table, but I knew that sitting on the hard dining room chair during contractions would not be fun! I opted to eat my dinner at the counter standing up. 

We walked home at 7:30 telling my mom to keep her phone on because most likely this was really happening and we will probably have a baby the following day. We got home and I jumped into the shower while my husband put my son to bed. They had increased in pain a bit and were two & a half minutes apart and lasting about a minute. During a contraction break I texted my best friends and family - 'This is happening! I'm in labor!' I was so excited. During the breaks I'd be dancing to my birth playlist, texting a friend & checking Facebook. Then a contraction would hit and I would surrender to the pain and squat down. It felt so natural to squat, I knew I was progressing.  After my shower I got dressed, fixed my hair and put on my favorite handkerchief and earrings. I didn't want to look shabby for the paparazzi! While Chris was blowing up the birthing pool I was pacing around, happy as a clam as I waited for the next contraction. When we gave my midwives an update we told them they didn't need to come, because 'we are doing great!' I fully expected to be in labor for hours, so I didn't want them to come too early and just sit around. By 10 the contractions had picked up intensity and I couldn't talk through them. My midwives were wise and decided to come. When they arrived at 11, I gave them a quick hug and then got back into labor mode. I had Chris hang a rope from a beam in our living room so I could hang on to it and bear down. Squatting gave me the most relief. It only took watching me for a few contractions before Rowan suggested to fill up the pool. She told me 'Ok, I think you need to get in now!" and I freaked. 'But you told me I didn't need to get into the pool until transition!! Until I was near the end!?!" to which she responded with a smile, 'You're IN transition!'  That was when I started to freak out. I was crying, and shaking, and laughing. I couldn't believe I could actually be that far already?? I was very emotional. I was never checked by my midwife, but it's safe to say I dilated from a 2/3 centimeters to a 10 in about 4 hours. It was very quick and painful. No wonder I was super emotional!

Right around 11:30 my friend Niki arrived. She came to take pictures. But my mom, was no where to be found. We had texted and called....I was starting to get angry. 'Where is my mom!? Someone CALL HER. NOW.' My mom finally arrived at 11:45. I guess my subconcious was waiting for her because the next contraction came my body started pushing automatically. My midwife noticed.

'You were pushing weren't you' 

'Yeah I guess I was' 

'Ok, well go ahead push.

'You don't even need to check me???'

'Nope, your body knows it's ready'

Around midnight I started pushing. The pain was overwhelming and I thought surely I can't do this. 

But my amazing birth team were all saying the opposite. Rowan suggested Chris get in the tub behind me and hold my legs back. I was not happy with that suggestion....thinking 'this is MY zone. MY birth pool! I don't want him in here!' I relented and he got in. I don't know if I said it out loud or not, but I definitely thought 'I don't like you right now!' and gave him an icy cold stare over my shoulder. Everyone saw it and laughed. But wow, I'm so glad he did get in the water. Having his help really made all the difference. I sat on his lap and he pulled my legs back. I pushed and pushed. When Rowan told me to check myself I felt her head about was about 2 inches in. I gave it my all and pushed. Felt like I was ripping in two. Rowan told me to reach down and feel her head, and I felt her face. Her entire head was out. My body flooded with a glorious joy rush and with that I pushed her out. 12:43 am. They placed her on my chest and I was at total rest. Her little body was covered with a beautiful coating of vernix and she had a little gentle cry. She was so quiet. They didn't suck her nose, or prod her, they just let her be. It was amazing. 

The moment we saw her we knew her name. Amelie Fiora Loraine. We were waiting to see her before we named her. I'm glad too, it is so fitting. After birthing the placenta we walked upstairs into my room and crawled into bed. My son had woken up when he heard us all screaming and rejoicing. So my mom brought Amelie into his room. He was a little shell shocked - why are there so many people in my room taking pictures of me? But he quickly warmed up to the idea and came into our room. He sat next to me and pointed at her- 'Sissy head! Sissy ear! Sissy eye!' We were all up till 4 am, checking her out, taking pictures, getting her weighed and measured - 7 lbs 4 oz and 19 inches long. 6 hours of labor, 3 of those were serious, with 45 minutes of pushing. 

She's 10 days old. We are all adjusting well and enjoying every second of this sweet little girl, our petite Amelie!

the GREATEST

I love finding good things! Things that works, that you can rely on. Like a really great recipe, or a cleaner...you name it. I am going to share with you some of my favorite 'greatest' things!

The Greatest Roasted Chicken

It's called 'Engagement Chicken' because it's so good that when you make it for your boyfriend, he will propose soon after! It's a Barefoot Contessa classic. So simple. Seriously it's the best roasted chicken I've ever had and/or made. I can always count on it, always rely on it being amazing every.single.time. The chicken is salty and crispy, the onions are slightly burned on the edges. And the pan juices are blow your mind delish. My tweaks: when I don't have wine [or am to lazy to make the sauce, or would rather drink the wine] I just skip it completely and you don't even miss it. Pair with some lovely Basmati and roasted Asparagus and you have yourself a fancy week night meal.

The Greatest Banana Bread

I have searched HIGH and low for the perfect banana bread recipe and by George, I think I've got it. I did tweak it a bit: I halved the sugar to 1/2 cup [and it's still sweet enough] & added a generous teaspoon of lemon zest. The lemon added that perfect lightness and tang. If you are feeling super saucy you can add a crumble on top [which I do every time but that's besides the point] of butter and brown sugar.

The Greatest Water Bottle

I bought Rue a Camelbak and we have used it every day since. It's so great because it doesn't leak, it's large enough for us both to use it and it's kid friendly.

The Greatest Stainless Steel Cleaner

Bar Keeper's Friend. Stuff is amaze-balls. This cleaner is to stainless steel what Chuck Norris is to your face. Roundhouse kick dunzo! It also cleans sinks, ovens [which came in handy after our bacon grease oven fire a few weekends ago] tubs etc.

The Greatest Stain Remover

The Magic Eraser. I was very skeptical at first, but now I'm a believer. I had some wicked stains in my claw foot tub that I couldn't remove, not even with bleach. Magic Eraser got 'em out. It's scary. Who knows what the heck is IN that thing and how BAD it is for the environment, but I'll take another box please.

The Greatest Flour

I bake as often as my skinny jeans allow. Bread, muffins, pancakes & pizza taste best with all purpose white flour, but dohhhh! Not so good for the body. Which lead me to this: King Arthur Flour. It's an all natural, unbleached white whole wheat flour that tastes almost as good at the white stuff. It has a good texture and isn't too grainy. Bakes great.

And there you have it. Some of my favorite 'greatest' things. Dang, too bad a girl can't get endorsements, 'cause I'd be rollin' in the deep by now. Got any favorites you could share?

xo, Y

kick in le pants.

Today I woke up and thought 'I need a swift kick in the pants. I need to GET GOING! I need to seize the day. I need to juice! Exercise! I need to create art, and cook and clean and raise my son with joy. No one is going to hand me my creative energy on a silver platter! Hello!?'

After my mental pep talk I found this quote on Leigh's blog.

The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and somthing else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case.”

- Chuck Close

Quote, Photo

Kick in le pants just got seriouz yo!

So if you needed a kick, I hope you got it. Now scram! Go make/do/be something productive and lovely and inspiring and wonderful. We all have it inside us, sometimes we just need someone to reach in and pull it out, even if that someone is yourself.

so much love, Y

remembering: Labor Day

The first [lucid] thought I had this morning:

'oh my gosh, its my Labor Day anniversary!'

I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a normal monday and I was visiting my midwife for a checkup at 41 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I was certainly ready to get the party started and my [sweet amazing wonderful angel] midwife Sara agreed when she saw my blood pressure spike. With a little gentle encouragement, labor began at 5 pm and carried through the night until 3 pm the following day.

continue reading the store here...

Hoods up, Glocks out

That's my man-handling motto for 2011 : Hoods up, Glocks out.

2010 rocked my world hard and instead of begging the new year to be gentle with me, I've decided to be proactive. I'm gonna kick some ass and take some names!

So here's my ballsy new year's resolutions list in no particular order:

1. Get out of debt

2. Spend more QT with my favorite people

3. Purge! Rid my life of excess things and time robbers

4. Allow myself more grace. I am still growing up after all

5. Make time to pursue my art

6. Spend more time in the kitchen trying new recipes

5. {in a slightly uncertain, sheepish voice} get pregnant?

That last one's 'the doozy' for me since becoming a mom was the most difficult part of 2010. But the hard days are behind me and the bad memories have faded. I am so in love with my son and I can totally see the shiny in this whole mom deal. So, we'll see!?

Cheers friends! I hope you too have made some kickin' resolutions for yourself.

2011 HOLLA.

well, they certainly got the TRICK part down.

Happy Halloween? Not so much.

To start this blog right, I will preface it with the fact that *we sort-of live in the ghetto*

The first wave of kids that showed up were teen moms with their two year olds in strollers.

The second wave of were kids that scoffed when we only gave them two pieces of candy.

The third was a kid that opened my front door and took some candy. Granted, it was the neighbor boy, but stiiiill.....opening my door? IDON'TTHINKSO.

The last boy was a 14 year old, no costume, no candy bucket and he was on his cell phone. Just stuck his hand out.

The next morning I realized my giant pumpkin had been stolen, and smashed down the street.

Add the pumpkin to the list of things that have been stolen:

2 umbrellas

a Mum

For the love of all that is good and holy, what the hell is wrong with this neighborhood??

I am already dreaming of living in a safe suburban cookie cutter neighborhood, where my neighbors are polite and are THANKFUL for free candy and I can walk around with my boy and enjoy the holiday. For now, I just won't keep anything else on my porch.

seriously, I'm crawling

Look at the seriousness on his face!

Crawl Face from Yana Banova-Brink on Vimeo.

mom fail #2

I grew up watching MacGyver.

I'd like to thank him for helping me this morning.

I may, or may not, have locked myself out of the house today.

The baby may, or may not have been sleeping inside.

Let's go with 'may'.

I had the monitor with me as I 'unlocked' the door on my way over to my neighbors to feed their cats. Little did I know, I actually locked the door, not 'un'. So much difference that little 'un' word makes.

When I realized my mom fail #2, I tried not to panic. After all, it's only 95 degrees outside, none of my neighbors are answering and I'm wearing my freshly cleaned white linen pants.

Exhale. Call husband. No answer. 3rd neighbor attempt- he was home!

[enter MacGyver] Armed with a flathead, I set my sights on my storm windows. No luck. Contemplate breaking......Hubs might be less than impressed. Next idea. Side door!! I wiggled my screwdriver in and yet, fail again. My last option was the front door. Somehow, I did it. I wiggled the screwdriver between the jam and the lock and voila! I was in shock!

I channeled MacGyver and kicked that door's ass, and I didn't even dirty my white linen pants.

Thank you Mac, for showing me how to make a bomb from a toothpick and a gum wrapper. You're still a hero in my 8 year old eyes.

Rue's Epic Birthday

Monday February 8th: I was 41 weeks and 2 days post due. I was certainly ready to not be pregnant any longer. I was aching to hold my babe! At my check up that afternoon with my midwife I asked what natural remedies we could use to ‘get this show on the road!’ Sarah, my amazing midwife, was not as eager to get things going as I was and figured he needed ‘more baking.’ She said ‘we can pull out the ‘big guns’ [ie, castor oil, sweeping your membranes] on Friday if you haven’t gone into labor yet’. But she changed her tune after taking my blood pressure. It had suddenly spiked and she was concerned about preeclampsia [of course, it could’ve been due to all the crap food I ate at the Superbowl party the night before, but there was no way to tell] An exam revealed that my cervix was thin and soft, and 2 cm dilated. She suggested sweeping my membranes to get things going. She wanted him to be born ASAP! I was thinking Hallelujah!
On my 30 min drive home I began having contractions about 6 minutes apart. It was extremely difficult to drive as all I wanted to do was close my eyes and relax. Not a good idea with tractor trailers all around. I called my husband, but he wasn’t answering. Thanks babe, great time to not answer! I arrived safely home, and a few minutes later Chris arrived. “Good news, we’re in early labor!”

My parents had invited us to join them and a few mutual friends for a dinner party. Chris and I knew that we had a long night ahead of us, so we figured eating some food and seeing a few friends would be good for both of us. My parents live right around the corner so we enjoyed walking over to their house. When we arrived everyone was anxious to hear about the checkup. They beamed when we told them that labor was beginning. We celebrated our coming baby with a ‘pre-birthday’ party.

After an hour, we said goodbye and walked home. Eager to stay preoccupied during the early labor stage we played Wii bowling for about 2 hours. I was bouncing on my yoga ball and between contractions was getting strikes left and right. Around 9 pm Chris called our midwife Sarah to let her know that we were in early labor and would call again when we needed her. By 11 Chris was tried and fell asleep. I tried to sleep sitting up in bed, because when I laid down my back and hips hurt tremendously. So I didn’t have any luck sleeping. I was walking, pelvic rocking and swaying, but when a contraction came on it felt like my hips and thighs were being torn to shreds with a lawn mower. I was not expecting the pain to be so epic. The thing that helped the most was bearing down and squatting. I would hold onto the bathroom sink, the tub, the couch or the counter top. I was starting to cry and panic a little bit…I thought if this pain got worse I might not be able to handle it. At 1 am I woke up Chris and suggested he call Sarah. Right after that I got so nauseous I vomited everything till I dry heaved. I heard that was normal so I didn’t freak out. Contractions were coming about every 5 minutes at this point. I was so happy to see Sarah’s face, and a quick checked revealed I was 4 cm. Not huge progress, but progress none the less. My mom arrived at 6 am, looking fresh and glamorous and was bubbling “Hello! We’re gonna have a baby today” And I was moaning like a cow. She quickly got the picture that this was pretty serious business.

8 am I get in the birthing pool. I labored there for 6 hours. According to my husband (I had lost all sense of time) I progressed about 1 cm every two hours. Moaning, grunting, changing positions was how I got through the hours. I needed constant counter pressure on my back and my hips. My husband was an angel. He worked really hard to help keep me comfortable. If he was gone during a contraction I had to tell myself ‘You can do this alone. You CAN.’ There was one point that I said, ‘OK, I need this to be done soon. I need to be able to push.’

By 2 pm I had dilated to 9 cm, but there was a persistent interior cervical lip that would not move past his head. Sarah tried to push it out of the way during a few contractions. Having someone’s hand up in your vagina during a contraction hurts like hell. She suggested I tried to bear down a little and push to see if that would move it out of the way, which didn’t work and didn’t feel good. I wasn’t ready yet. Then came transition. I whimpered ‘Ok. I’m done. I want to run away. I want to go to Paris with my mom. I want to go shopping, and drink wine and eat cheese, and sip coffee and eat a croissant. I’m done.’ Sarah replied, ‘awww, you want a vacation with Chris?’ And I said ‘Nooo. I didn’t say THAT. I want to go with my MOM.’ My mom said, ‘If she goes to Paris with Chris THIS {baby} will happen again!’ We all laughed. It was perfect comic relief.

After 45 minutes of no luck with the cervical lip, Sarah suggested getting out of the water and pushing on the birth stool. I was 9.5 cm. With a few pushes, I was fully dilated.
Sarah and her assistant Angela pushed in my perineum with warm rags and told me to push with everything I had. So I did. And I roared. And Grunted. And made extremely sexual noises. And screamed. And then between contractions I feel asleep, hardcore, for like 2 mins. Then I threw up some more. I felt like a lion when pushing, and a lamb when it was over. I was weak and exhausted, and yet had so much adrenaline when pushing. Sarah showed me his head in the mirror, we could only see a little bit. More pushing. It felt like I was being ripped in two. There’s now other way to describe it. Finally the crown of his head was about half way out. When she showed me with a mirror again, this time my body took over with out my brain being involved, and I began shaking and groaning. It was so guttural, instinctual and powerful it was frightening. I could feel myself tearing. Sarah told me to back off and to stop pushing. ‘Stop pushing?!’ After pushing with everything inside of, NOT PUSHING was the HARDEST thing I’ve ever done in my life. I told her I was trying to stop but I couldn’t. She told me to breath hard in her face. While I did that I was thinking ‘OMG, my throw up breath must be soooooo awful. I’m sorry sarah!!’ She told me just ‘let the pressure be there, and just let his head hang there. Just let him slide out. Holy crap…………It was music to my ears when she said, ‘his eyes are out. His hose is out…..his cheeks are out… his lips are out! His head is out!’ The next thing I knew he had slid completely out and they placed him on my chest. Chris and I began balling as I held our son. I kissed his bloody head. I welcomed him to his house, told him I was his mama. So much love welled up inside of me. I was laughing. Shocked. In awe. Amazed. Relieved. Blissed out. It was incredible. 24 hours total, 16 hours of hard labor. One hour and 15 minutes of pushing. My little Ruehl Grayson arrived 7 lbs, 8 oz. 21.5 inches long.

In a nutshell, it was the most thrilling, beautiful and intense moment of my life. 2 weeks later and I’ve already forgotten the intensity of the pain. I think it is woman’s fatal flaw to forget the pain. It wasn’t quick, and wasn’t easy, but it was rewarding! Someone asked me ‘so now that you’ve done it naturally, next time are you going to get the epidural??’ I laughed. ‘No way. Never. I’m a home birthing mama and love it that way.’

The end… [and just the beginning]

I am woman, hear me roar.

TLC's a 'Baby Story' is improperly named.
It should be call TLC's 'A documentation of creepy hospital's, painful deliveries, and OB's who are idiots Story' It doesn't make me want to have baby, on the contrary, it scares me. Am I alone in this??

Instead I am surrounding myself with good thoughts, words, books and stories. At this point, I am SO inspired to deliver, in a healthy physiological natural way. I am believing for the BEST. So many people tell me I'm 'so brave' and they could 'never do what I'm doing'. But really that just makes me think, WHY ARE THEY DOUBTING THEMSELVES? Why not believe in yourself? Maybe I've just read too much, but I am totally confident in my ability as a woman, as a creation of God, to deliver this baby in a happy, calm, safe enviroment. I am woman hear me roar!
I shoudn't let negative assumptions of delivery dictate my feelings and cause me to fear. I will just let what happens naturally...It may be better, OR WORSE than I'm expecting. But it's best to assume, the best. I am believing for a supernatural birth. I may sound foolish to you, but for me it's easier to believe for the best and take what I get. To use my faith in a way that makes sense. Why believe for 'less pain' or 'better than average' when faith is intended to be used for the impossible??? I DO think that a pain-free quick delivery is impossible...that's why we're believing for the supernatural to kick in. It doesn't make sense to the mind, but that's how God works.

Ahhh. That makes me feel so much better. I am woman, hear me roar. I can and will do this!