Amelie's Birth

My son was 10 days overdue, or  'ripe' as I like to say. So naturally, I fully expected the same treatment from his little sister. When labor started strong and consistent a day before her due date, I didn't believe it was true!

January 21st we walked to my parents for dinner. I had several contractions on the walk over. I am very familiar with Braxton Hicks, I've had them for the past 3 months. So naturally, I assumed...it wasn't real labor. After we arrived I asked for a small glass of red wine and sat down. Quickly I realized the contractions were quite regular. But no need to time them, 'this isn't real labor. It can't be.' After 30-45 mins of contractions, I pulled out my iPhone and started tracking. Three minutes apart, on-the-dot! Chris, Rue, and my parents sat down at the dining table, but I knew that sitting on the hard dining room chair during contractions would not be fun! I opted to eat my dinner at the counter standing up. 

We walked home at 7:30 telling my mom to keep her phone on because most likely this was really happening and we will probably have a baby the following day. We got home and I jumped into the shower while my husband put my son to bed. They had increased in pain a bit and were two & a half minutes apart and lasting about a minute. During a contraction break I texted my best friends and family - 'This is happening! I'm in labor!' I was so excited. During the breaks I'd be dancing to my birth playlist, texting a friend & checking Facebook. Then a contraction would hit and I would surrender to the pain and squat down. It felt so natural to squat, I knew I was progressing.  After my shower I got dressed, fixed my hair and put on my favorite handkerchief and earrings. I didn't want to look shabby for the paparazzi! While Chris was blowing up the birthing pool I was pacing around, happy as a clam as I waited for the next contraction. When we gave my midwives an update we told them they didn't need to come, because 'we are doing great!' I fully expected to be in labor for hours, so I didn't want them to come too early and just sit around. By 10 the contractions had picked up intensity and I couldn't talk through them. My midwives were wise and decided to come. When they arrived at 11, I gave them a quick hug and then got back into labor mode. I had Chris hang a rope from a beam in our living room so I could hang on to it and bear down. Squatting gave me the most relief. It only took watching me for a few contractions before Rowan suggested to fill up the pool. She told me 'Ok, I think you need to get in now!" and I freaked. 'But you told me I didn't need to get into the pool until transition!! Until I was near the end!?!" to which she responded with a smile, 'You're IN transition!'  That was when I started to freak out. I was crying, and shaking, and laughing. I couldn't believe I could actually be that far already?? I was very emotional. I was never checked by my midwife, but it's safe to say I dilated from a 2/3 centimeters to a 10 in about 4 hours. It was very quick and painful. No wonder I was super emotional!

Right around 11:30 my friend Niki arrived. She came to take pictures. But my mom, was no where to be found. We had texted and called....I was starting to get angry. 'Where is my mom!? Someone CALL HER. NOW.' My mom finally arrived at 11:45. I guess my subconcious was waiting for her because the next contraction came my body started pushing automatically. My midwife noticed.

'You were pushing weren't you' 

'Yeah I guess I was' 

'Ok, well go ahead push.

'You don't even need to check me???'

'Nope, your body knows it's ready'

Around midnight I started pushing. The pain was overwhelming and I thought surely I can't do this. 

But my amazing birth team were all saying the opposite. Rowan suggested Chris get in the tub behind me and hold my legs back. I was not happy with that suggestion....thinking 'this is MY zone. MY birth pool! I don't want him in here!' I relented and he got in. I don't know if I said it out loud or not, but I definitely thought 'I don't like you right now!' and gave him an icy cold stare over my shoulder. Everyone saw it and laughed. But wow, I'm so glad he did get in the water. Having his help really made all the difference. I sat on his lap and he pulled my legs back. I pushed and pushed. When Rowan told me to check myself I felt her head about was about 2 inches in. I gave it my all and pushed. Felt like I was ripping in two. Rowan told me to reach down and feel her head, and I felt her face. Her entire head was out. My body flooded with a glorious joy rush and with that I pushed her out. 12:43 am. They placed her on my chest and I was at total rest. Her little body was covered with a beautiful coating of vernix and she had a little gentle cry. She was so quiet. They didn't suck her nose, or prod her, they just let her be. It was amazing. 

The moment we saw her we knew her name. Amelie Fiora Loraine. We were waiting to see her before we named her. I'm glad too, it is so fitting. After birthing the placenta we walked upstairs into my room and crawled into bed. My son had woken up when he heard us all screaming and rejoicing. So my mom brought Amelie into his room. He was a little shell shocked - why are there so many people in my room taking pictures of me? But he quickly warmed up to the idea and came into our room. He sat next to me and pointed at her- 'Sissy head! Sissy ear! Sissy eye!' We were all up till 4 am, checking her out, taking pictures, getting her weighed and measured - 7 lbs 4 oz and 19 inches long. 6 hours of labor, 3 of those were serious, with 45 minutes of pushing. 

She's 10 days old. We are all adjusting well and enjoying every second of this sweet little girl, our petite Amelie!

She's here!

One minute she's not here, and the next....

Amelie Fiora Loraine Brink has arrived on the earth!

Born punctually on her due date, January 22nd at 12:43 am.
Birthed naturally at home, in water, guided by the loving hands of the best birth team in the world.
She weighed 7 pounds, 4 ounces, 19 inches long.

Amelie (Ah-meh-lie) means industrious, hard working & admiring.
Fiora (Fee-or-ah) means Little Flower.
Loraine is Chris's beloved Grandmother who passed away suddenly last year. We honor her by keeping her name in the family.

She is amazing and we are so in love. We are all doing great.

Birth story and birth pictures to come soon.........but for now:

music is a memory

As D-day quickly approaches [44 days, holla!] I am getting my ducks in a row: Things to have on hand for the birthday. Ordering the birth pool liner. Ice cream bucket for the placenta. Say it with me in a spanish accent, PLAAACENTA. Drag out that A. Cheking off the list of midwife requested items: washcloths, towels, coconut water, witch hazel and jumbo jet 747 sized pads. But I've added my own important item thing on the list:
Birth play list! MUSIC!

I had a playlist prepared for Rue's birth, but when shove came to push [ha] all I wanted to listen to was Brian and Jenn Johnson's cd "Love Came Down". That sucker was on repeat for nearly 24 hours. Straight. I didn't want to listen to anything else. Afterwards, I was tempted to throw the cd into a bucket of gasoline and light a match. It was a gorgeous cd, tainted with crazy wonderful painful memories. I couldn't listen to it after [for a long time] without being lurched back to that place, and just turning it off.

Then tonight, it came on my iTunes and all I could do was smile as I remembered my 24 hour labor! It was a beautiful cd for me again! That makes me think I am more ready for this birth that I ever thought.

Isn't it amazing how music [and scent!] can contain such sensory memories and bring us right back to a specific moment in time?

OK, off I go to start compiling my song list. Any recommendations?

preparing for 'D-day'

Every day, I try to remember to take a moment and think about Delivery day.

It's quickly approaching, at a mere 56 days according to my i-Phone ticker. So wether I'm late [heavens, please no, not again] I'm 'ripe' and ready, or even early [gasp! do I even entertain the thought?] time is ticking away. Tick...tick...ticking away. So today I prepared for birth by watching A Baby Story. I usually avoid it completely because as a home birthing mama, the hospital intervention/mantra completely stress me out. But today's episode was a home/water birth, and it was so real. She was in pain, for sure, but it was still peaceful. It was beautiful. She birthed her daughter in the water and pulled her up to her chest. 

AND I LOST IT. Bawling-my-eyes-out LOST IT. It made my heart swell up with overwhelming excitement and anticipation for MY moment. For that first moment when I get to hold my little baby girl in my arms. To finally see the life that I've been growing and dreaming about.  

I can say with all honesty I have about 98% confidence and peace in my heart when I think about labor.

So that leaves a mere 2% of me that is FREAKING out. 

Question for the mamas reading: how did/do you prepare for labor? The first time is so scary and unknown, so is the second[+] time easier because of having less to fear?

I welcome any encouraging advice, prayers and wisdom. I'd like to eradicate that 2% if at all possible ;)

Love, Yana   

remembering: Birth Photos

One year ago today I was swimming around in my birth pool, waiting for my little prince to arrive... Le birth pics

remembering: Labor Day

The first [lucid] thought I had this morning:

'oh my gosh, its my Labor Day anniversary!'

I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a normal monday and I was visiting my midwife for a checkup at 41 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I was certainly ready to get the party started and my [sweet amazing wonderful angel] midwife Sara agreed when she saw my blood pressure spike. With a little gentle encouragement, labor began at 5 pm and carried through the night until 3 pm the following day.

continue reading the store here...

le birth pics

Rue's Epic Birthday

Monday February 8th: I was 41 weeks and 2 days post due. I was certainly ready to not be pregnant any longer. I was aching to hold my babe! At my check up that afternoon with my midwife I asked what natural remedies we could use to ‘get this show on the road!’ Sarah, my amazing midwife, was not as eager to get things going as I was and figured he needed ‘more baking.’ She said ‘we can pull out the ‘big guns’ [ie, castor oil, sweeping your membranes] on Friday if you haven’t gone into labor yet’. But she changed her tune after taking my blood pressure. It had suddenly spiked and she was concerned about preeclampsia [of course, it could’ve been due to all the crap food I ate at the Superbowl party the night before, but there was no way to tell] An exam revealed that my cervix was thin and soft, and 2 cm dilated. She suggested sweeping my membranes to get things going. She wanted him to be born ASAP! I was thinking Hallelujah!
On my 30 min drive home I began having contractions about 6 minutes apart. It was extremely difficult to drive as all I wanted to do was close my eyes and relax. Not a good idea with tractor trailers all around. I called my husband, but he wasn’t answering. Thanks babe, great time to not answer! I arrived safely home, and a few minutes later Chris arrived. “Good news, we’re in early labor!”

My parents had invited us to join them and a few mutual friends for a dinner party. Chris and I knew that we had a long night ahead of us, so we figured eating some food and seeing a few friends would be good for both of us. My parents live right around the corner so we enjoyed walking over to their house. When we arrived everyone was anxious to hear about the checkup. They beamed when we told them that labor was beginning. We celebrated our coming baby with a ‘pre-birthday’ party.

After an hour, we said goodbye and walked home. Eager to stay preoccupied during the early labor stage we played Wii bowling for about 2 hours. I was bouncing on my yoga ball and between contractions was getting strikes left and right. Around 9 pm Chris called our midwife Sarah to let her know that we were in early labor and would call again when we needed her. By 11 Chris was tried and fell asleep. I tried to sleep sitting up in bed, because when I laid down my back and hips hurt tremendously. So I didn’t have any luck sleeping. I was walking, pelvic rocking and swaying, but when a contraction came on it felt like my hips and thighs were being torn to shreds with a lawn mower. I was not expecting the pain to be so epic. The thing that helped the most was bearing down and squatting. I would hold onto the bathroom sink, the tub, the couch or the counter top. I was starting to cry and panic a little bit…I thought if this pain got worse I might not be able to handle it. At 1 am I woke up Chris and suggested he call Sarah. Right after that I got so nauseous I vomited everything till I dry heaved. I heard that was normal so I didn’t freak out. Contractions were coming about every 5 minutes at this point. I was so happy to see Sarah’s face, and a quick checked revealed I was 4 cm. Not huge progress, but progress none the less. My mom arrived at 6 am, looking fresh and glamorous and was bubbling “Hello! We’re gonna have a baby today” And I was moaning like a cow. She quickly got the picture that this was pretty serious business.

8 am I get in the birthing pool. I labored there for 6 hours. According to my husband (I had lost all sense of time) I progressed about 1 cm every two hours. Moaning, grunting, changing positions was how I got through the hours. I needed constant counter pressure on my back and my hips. My husband was an angel. He worked really hard to help keep me comfortable. If he was gone during a contraction I had to tell myself ‘You can do this alone. You CAN.’ There was one point that I said, ‘OK, I need this to be done soon. I need to be able to push.’

By 2 pm I had dilated to 9 cm, but there was a persistent interior cervical lip that would not move past his head. Sarah tried to push it out of the way during a few contractions. Having someone’s hand up in your vagina during a contraction hurts like hell. She suggested I tried to bear down a little and push to see if that would move it out of the way, which didn’t work and didn’t feel good. I wasn’t ready yet. Then came transition. I whimpered ‘Ok. I’m done. I want to run away. I want to go to Paris with my mom. I want to go shopping, and drink wine and eat cheese, and sip coffee and eat a croissant. I’m done.’ Sarah replied, ‘awww, you want a vacation with Chris?’ And I said ‘Nooo. I didn’t say THAT. I want to go with my MOM.’ My mom said, ‘If she goes to Paris with Chris THIS {baby} will happen again!’ We all laughed. It was perfect comic relief.

After 45 minutes of no luck with the cervical lip, Sarah suggested getting out of the water and pushing on the birth stool. I was 9.5 cm. With a few pushes, I was fully dilated.
Sarah and her assistant Angela pushed in my perineum with warm rags and told me to push with everything I had. So I did. And I roared. And Grunted. And made extremely sexual noises. And screamed. And then between contractions I feel asleep, hardcore, for like 2 mins. Then I threw up some more. I felt like a lion when pushing, and a lamb when it was over. I was weak and exhausted, and yet had so much adrenaline when pushing. Sarah showed me his head in the mirror, we could only see a little bit. More pushing. It felt like I was being ripped in two. There’s now other way to describe it. Finally the crown of his head was about half way out. When she showed me with a mirror again, this time my body took over with out my brain being involved, and I began shaking and groaning. It was so guttural, instinctual and powerful it was frightening. I could feel myself tearing. Sarah told me to back off and to stop pushing. ‘Stop pushing?!’ After pushing with everything inside of, NOT PUSHING was the HARDEST thing I’ve ever done in my life. I told her I was trying to stop but I couldn’t. She told me to breath hard in her face. While I did that I was thinking ‘OMG, my throw up breath must be soooooo awful. I’m sorry sarah!!’ She told me just ‘let the pressure be there, and just let his head hang there. Just let him slide out. Holy crap…………It was music to my ears when she said, ‘his eyes are out. His hose is out…..his cheeks are out… his lips are out! His head is out!’ The next thing I knew he had slid completely out and they placed him on my chest. Chris and I began balling as I held our son. I kissed his bloody head. I welcomed him to his house, told him I was his mama. So much love welled up inside of me. I was laughing. Shocked. In awe. Amazed. Relieved. Blissed out. It was incredible. 24 hours total, 16 hours of hard labor. One hour and 15 minutes of pushing. My little Ruehl Grayson arrived 7 lbs, 8 oz. 21.5 inches long.

In a nutshell, it was the most thrilling, beautiful and intense moment of my life. 2 weeks later and I’ve already forgotten the intensity of the pain. I think it is woman’s fatal flaw to forget the pain. It wasn’t quick, and wasn’t easy, but it was rewarding! Someone asked me ‘so now that you’ve done it naturally, next time are you going to get the epidural??’ I laughed. ‘No way. Never. I’m a home birthing mama and love it that way.’

The end… [and just the beginning]

one month and counting...

I am SO excited to share that we have ordered our La Bassine birthing pool. Leigh from Marvelous Kiddo used the same one, and I consider her an inspirational mama and birthing guru, so naturally it was the first pool I looked at.

I'm busy collecting the remaining items we need for our home birth, and I feel like I need more time. Yet...it seems like it can't come soon enough. I can't wait to meet you Baby Brink.

le sigh!

I'm a steel trap. Don't get me down!

Chris and I have decided to have a home birth. It was pretty much decided all along, but we had to find a midwife, and I think we've found our woman!
This topic of 'homebirth' has stirred up alllllllllllllllllllllllll kinds of reactions from people. Some good, mostly bad. [such as the following:]
"WHAT?!!? But that's so dangerous."
"Homebirth's are illegal"
"Well....You don't know any better!!"
"I love my epidural. Why would you choose pain???."

People act like I'm a deranged one legged super hero who is trying to save the world with sunshine. It's discouraging and unnerving, and more aggravating than Rachel Ray's voice. Grrrrrrr. Some reactions are good, but people few and far between have actually been encouraging [and for those of you that have, I salute you!!] So, somewhere, somehow I need to muster up enough balls to be a steel trap of confidence and attitude about the healthy, wonderful and exciting choice my husband and I have made together. I have read so many books already that promote home births, and at times that's all I have to keep me going.

If any of you have good stories/encouragements/book suggestions to encourage the homebirthing tiger in me, please pass them on! And if you don't have anything nice to say, than keep yo negative nancy opinions to yourself. I just dont need em! :)

I just needed to rant. There. thanks. i feel better.

Tomorrow I take my 19 week belly pics...hope to get em up soon!

xoxoxoxox