The moment I found out I was pregnant I thought 'wow. I hope that I will be a good mom to this little baby!' I had a pretty strong idea of what a 'good' mom meant, and I had no idea I would be setting myself up for failure. 'Good' mom equated to = 'perfect'.
I had this idea that a good mom was: Effortless. Organic. Chic. On top her game. Co-slept. Wore her baby all the time. Cloth diapered. Breastfed. Never depressed. Never lost her temper. Made fresh home made baby food all the time. Stylish. Always showered, clean and wore makeup.
I quickly [and by quickly, I mean quickly] realized I had failed. It's easy to fail when you have unrealistic Mt. Kilimanjaro-sized expectations for yourself.
Yet I still struggled with myself. "Am I still a good mom if I run out of grace and lose my temper? Am I a bad mom if I leave Rue to cry in his crib after my bag of tricks to entertain/feed/clothe/distract gets emptied? Am totally lame that he has most likely eaten a cup of dirt/leaves/grass while I wasn't looking? Do good mom's let their kids suck all the ink off the tags from toys made in China???
The answer that I have come to 8 months later ? OF COURSE I'M A GOOD MOM. I'm a great mom. Webster's definition of good is : of a favorable character or tendency. Virtuous. Right. Commendable. Adequate. Suitable.
Some days I: lose my temper, forget deodorant, don't start dinner until 8 pm, leave dirty clothes to roast and stew for a week, let Rue eat grass, cry when I'm exasperated and wish someone would hold me and rock me to sleep.... but, I'm a good mom because I love good. I love hard. I adore my son. I do the best that I can and that's enough. I don't strive for perfection anymore, just the best version of myself. And who knows maybe someday Rue will adore me and think that I'm perfect, just like they way I looked at my mom when I was little. I don't think he's going to care that about any of the petty things that I beat myself up with.
If you are reading this and you can relate in any way, take heart. Go easy on yourself. I have read so many blogs that impacted me and really changed my view point, and I hope that I have done that for someone else today. Learn from my mistakes! Know that you are a GREAT mom no matter what. And for heaven's sake, let's omit the term 'good' mom and adopt being 'great', shall we??
10 comments:
Amen sister!!!! All we can do is our best! You are a GREAT mom!!! :)
you are a GREAT mom Yana. xo
It has taken many years and much convincing and now I know--I am a GREAT MOM !~!
Yes Yana! Thanks... It took me forever to work this out when I had my eldest (now 3). It meant you could never truly relax. Phew for you discovering this while Rue is still so young. I am sure I'm a better- I meant great- mum for my youngest for figuring this out. Being a 'good mum' is so time consuming and you never actually measure up. Shame isn't it? Thanks girl for this blog. LOVE Anna xxx
I think what makes a mom great is not that she can do everything, but that she has her priorities straight. You could a) have a presentable house worthy of Martha Stewart, home-cooked meals always on time, and look like a model, or b) use the time that you would've spent at the above tasks and play with your child. In the end, which is more important to him? Martha Stewart isn't even part of his lexicon.
I get through my days doing laundry and dishes because those tasks are important to our daily lives, but I don't shower every day (hence why I "look like a mom"). The house is cluttered. We order take out a lot more than I care to admit. But I know I'm still doing the best I can do with my limited time. My baby is only a baby once. The rest of the world can wait.
Rest assured that you have failed at nothing. You just figured out your priorities. ;-)
Thank you.
oh ps...the trick of running a smelly load of been-in-the-washer-for-a-week laundry with a cup of vinegar has saved. my. life.
I SO love you for your honesty, candor, and just all around realness. Thank you for writing your heart, and being vulnerable.
Baby #3 later, I still struggle with the 'good' mom syndrome.
As I was reading your post, I was reminded of a conversation I had with Papa when Coeli was new.....telling Him all my grievences, against my horrible self. He asked me what my idea of a good mother was (pretty much perfect) He said oh, you want to do my job then! Needless to say, that put things in great perspective for me.
So my agreement with Him is, I'll do my best, and He will take care of the rest.....Or as Aaron likes to say,'We can't mess them up so badly, the He can't fix them.'
love you!
I cant even begin to express we are the EXACT SAME! I am constantly not giving myself enough credit, in the last couple weeks I feel like PPD hit me all over again! I stare at my collection of clothe diapers that I DONT use, I dont BF, (btw the baby's only is working WONDERFULLY for Pella, she POUNDS it down!) I worry if shes getting enough "solids" in a day, I let her laundry pile up until I cant bare to look at it anymore, I even let her diaper get AS FULL AS POSSIBLE before I change it, I dont even eat dinner, I DRINK COFFEE! But guess what, WHO HAS BABY BABIES??? WE DO!!!! and its bc we are GOOD MOMS! im going to cry writing this! :*)
iTS A BEAUTIFUL THING!
Good stuff. Recognizing that perfection isn't the goal has a wonderfully odd way of helping mama's become better, more relaxed, and more confident. And, yes, you are a great mama!
Post a Comment