Day 5 of being stuck at home.
Rue woke up monday with a snotty faucet nose and since then has been snotty and whiny-Mc-whinerton -sir-whines-a-lot.
I haven't wanted to go anywhere, because who likes to shop & go to Starbucks with a whiny baby? And who likes to take their sick baby to a playdate? Not me. I had been so strong all week, until last night:
When I had crushed my millionth cheerios, when I had found him sucking on a Method floor cleaner bottle [the lid was closed...whew.] when I had refolded the laundry 3 times because he loves to take things out of the basket, when he refused the food he normally loves, when I had listened to whining for 35 hours, when I had picked up poop with my bare hands thinking it was black beans from lunch [which, in theory it was] when the poop had trickled down his leg and up his back, when he peed on the floor waiting for me to slam dunk his poopy butt into the tub, when i found him turning on the gas burners, when he took all of his bottles/feeding paraphernalia out of his drawer and when he had taken all the books off the bookshelf for the 3rd time in one day. Thats when I lost it.
'I CAN'T FRIGGIN TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!! I'M DONE!'
Thankfully meltdown city was perfectly timed to Chris getting home. He arrived to a roaring wife, over cooked dinner, and a surprisingly happy son. Isn't that the irony, when your husband gets home your kids are on their best behavior and all of your desperate texts to your husband make you look like a crazy person?
In bed that night he asked me if I was ok. Fitting question, as I was crying.
No. I'm not ok. I'm feeling very trapped by the responsibility of a child. Of being a stay at home mom. Some days I just don't want to do it. Sometimes other moms and blogs who's lives look neat and organized and who have shiny happy kids that seem perfect and here I am wanting to run away. Yes, I'll have a side of guilt trip please, thank you. I'm struggling with the fact that my son is growing up and as much as I love it, I can't stop it. But I want to! Most of the time I want to savor every moment...but weeks like this make me say get me the hell out of 2011 and give me an 8 year old please! SURE...we had some sugar sweet melty heart moments when he would walk up to me and sit on my lap and lean back and look up at me and touch my face. And then sir whines a lot would think of something he didn't have and wanted and would start the whiny whines again. Old people say 'Enjoy every moment! Before you know they will be going to college!
I'm finding it difficult to balance the 'savoring' moments and the 'check please' moments.
Looking for perspective. If you have some please leave it after the beep...
{beeeeeep}
8 comments:
Oh Yana, I can identify with what you're feeling!!! And, I have had many dark moments when I wondered what is wrong with me that I don't LOVE mommyhood every minute. I still struggle with it almost every day. But I'm relieved to realize that I'm not in the minority. Most moms struggle with it. Most moms want to bang their heads against the wall, or start drinking at 3:00 in the afternoon, or at least go get a pedicure as soon as dad walks in the door.
Please know that you're not alone. You're not even in the minority. Your fellow Mommies are reading this and nodding in sympathy and telling you it's OK. He won't be sick forever. He won't be whiney forever. And you'll get many more of those sweet moments.
In the meantime, I think it's time for a pedicure and cocktail :)
xoxo,
Allegra
I'm sorry Rue is sick and I hope he gets better soon (for your sake!).
This post is perfectly timed with what's going down at my house. R has started "Sleep Wars," with a hefty dose of separation anxiety. Trying to put her down for bed at night and she won't.let.us.leave.the.room. I made a makeshift bed in her room and slept in there with her for the past two nights, but last night she wouldn't even let me leave the side of the crib to lie down in that bed. Starting at 3 am, I lost my patience at 4:20, and all patience was out the window by 4:45. Call on Daddy, "Get your baby to sleep cause I'm going back to my own bed and turning off the baby monitor!!" And then today she wouldn't let me leave her in the Children's Center of the gym. sigh. Anybody have any good tips? And can we fast-forward out of this phase, please?
you are wonderful, we have all been there and have our moments. hang in there lovely mama :) its a crappy phase, it will pass. tantrums is GREAT fun too.. :S try to smile, it's almost spring, your tulips are making their way through the dirt to the sunlight. coming to make you smile. Walks, warmth, patios friends.. luv you.
I was just laying in my bed with my won't-sleep-unless-I-am-sucking-you-9-month-old and thinking... "maybe Casey could be the stay at home dad?" jon took hour+ naps all week while casey was home for spring break but now that he's at work... that's right after an hour of trying to get him to fall asleep, he slept for 15 minutes. he was also up 5 times last night. this whole mom thing is WAY harder than I ever thought!
Ahh, I love your honesty. I, too, am trying to find the balance between 'savoring every second' and 'check please'. Eden is at such a fun age, and usually pretty happy and lovely and sunshine, but sleeping is an entirely different story. I texted my husband in a moment of exasperation the other day saying "OMG, I just realized I spend at least 4 hours every day just trying to get her to sleep"...!!)
And I'm probably the least organized person on the face of the planet, in case my blog gave you any indication otherwise. I'm scared to know what is lurking in the caverns of my diaper bag.
I hope Rue gets better soon, for both your sakes! :)
sounds like the past couple of weeks with the kids! by the time their mom comes home, they are all fine again and i look like a crazy person too! i even got peed on by the 3 yr old.......But at least i get to leave and go home to peace:) i don't know how you do it, but i want to say that you're pretty amazing:) i
Oh Darling. I read this a couple of days ago and really felt for you, then my 3yo got really sick, then my baby (even though he's older than your Rue, please let him still be a baby not a toddler.. yet!) got sick, now me...........We got a Lady and Sir whine- a -lot - and don't stop......! How to entertain? How to enjoy? Shame, when they are cute they are the best thing and then when they get sick it's almost too much to bear - Sending so much love from just across the pond ;) xoxox
Completely understand what you mean. Whats worse, is after you tell your husband what is wrong you lay the guilt trip on yourself. Start thinking "man i sound like a horrible mother, what a cry baby" But to be honest you can't be a mom 24/7. You gotta make a day once a week where you go do something just YOU. Get your nails done, go window shopping. whatever it is...taking a little time away will help you have patience during the hard times cause you wont feel "stuck". Trust me it works!
Post a Comment