2 years of love

Two years ago in a park not far from my house, a little girl and a little boy stood beneath a billowing canopy surrounded by 27 of the best family and friends, and said 'I do'. Best two words I ever said.

And here we are two short but seemingly long years later, we are parents. It's been a wild ride, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Life is delicious with you, Mr. Brink. Happy Anniversary.

xo.

Read my post on our wedding!

Watch our beautiful wedding video!

Read my first year anniversary post on our trip to Washington D.C!

The Beautiful Letdown

This weekend was a bittersweet emotional roller coaster, and not what we were expecting. It started off wonderful, had a heartbreaking middle, and had a beautiful ending. Chris, Rue & I flew to Maine to see his family. Parents, a sister & husband, grandparents, aunts & uncles, & cousins. But mostly, his Grandmother Loraine. A month ago, she was diagnosed with Liver and Pancreatic Cancer and we knew this would be the last time we'd see her. It would also be the first time she [as well as most of the family] would meet our son. We were so excited. Sunday was supposed to be our big family get together in the backyard bbq-ing and playing badminton. But instead, our family gathered together in a hospital emergency room. Chris's grandmother had a heart attack.

She had not been feeling well in the morning, so she was going to stay home. When we heard this, we planned to go down to her house and see her. A little while later she felt better and was getting ready to come up to the party. She had showered and fixed her hair and sat down on the couch with her husband, Grandpa Frank. She took 4 deep breaths and then collapsed. Frank called 911 and the emergency crew did CPR and worked on her for 20 mins, but she was gone. Everyone rushed down to the house when we got word of what had happened. Amazingly on the way to the hospital they resuscitated her and found a pulse. But since she had been without oxygen for so long, she had slipped into a deep coma. So the whole family gathered around in her hospital room, praying, singing, talking to her, holding her hand and saying our goodbyes. Chris and I were gutted that the whole reason we came up was to see her [alive], and we never got to. She didn't get to meet our boy.

She held on through the night and passed peacefully yesterday morning. We are still in shock, but while we are mourning, we are also rejoicing that she was spared the pain of chemo & the pain of two types of cancer. Her prognosis was to live only a few short months to a year and we know that it would've been a very painful end. Thank God she didn't suffer long. Such was a beautiful woman who loved the Lord very much and we know she is in Heaven.

The weekend had major highs & lows. Saturday we flew and Rue did great on his first plane ride. He was happy to see his grandparents [Chris's parents] and they were beside themselves to see him. We had a delicious lobster and steak dinner with my in-laws and sister and brother in-law. Sunday was the exhausting day in the emergency room. Monday she passed and we cried and breathed a sigh of relief, and then we flew back to PA. [the funeral is not till Friday] On the way home our friends invited us to a bbq pool party. While we were not in the mood to party, we knew that being around our friends would be the best medicine for our souls. I'm so glad we went. We swam, scurried 15 adults and 8 kids inside the house and watched the sudden thunderstorm cause a massive mud slide on the side of the house, ate homemade strawberry ice cream, drank coffee, held babies, listened to said 8 kids run around screaming like crazies banging on the piano. It was a scene from a movie...like the most beautiful insane scene where you think, wow, I wish I lived in a community like that. It was lovely.

On the way home, we went to the highest point in the city and watched the lightning and thunderstorm roll away. The air was warm and thick. It smelled like fresh rain and clovers. We walked through the park with our sleeping baby in tow, and talked about the legacy that was Loraine Jones, our beloved Grandmother.

It was truly, bittersweet.

pool days have arrived

I love summer *so* much.

Pool days. friends. picnics. bbqs. did someone say mojito??

Rue had his first taste of a kiddie pool yesterday, and today we're going back for more. Vitamin D here we come! What's your favorite thing about summer?

15 weeks

My little Ruester is cooing and talking to himself like crazy, he's fascinated with blankets and loves to put everything in his mouth. But the big milestone this week: Rolling! My babe rolled from his back to his stomach! He's been nearing a complete roll for a few weeks but his shoulder kept tripping him up. Finally, he conquered. I'm such proud mama bear.

I don't have video of the first roll to show you, because well, it was such a surprise! But I promise I'll snag a video soon....

I love watching him grow up!

xx, Y

Have kid, will travel

Ruehl's first road trip [sans Dad] was last week. We drove 4.5 hours to Ohio.

Pre-formula, a road trip would've been a NIGHTMARE. As my friend Lydia said 'that sounds like a REALLY bad idea Yana.' I agreed.

Post-formula, it was fantastic. He slept great in the car seat and loved being passed around from friend to friend. That made me a happy mama. So much so, that I didn't even mind the 3 projectile events that happened on our short 3 days away from home.

We fed him a bottle in the car. He was happy as a little clam. When we got to the hotel, my mom checked in and I was holding Rue in the lobby. Suddenly, I hear him burp the loudest burp ever, followed by his entire meal projectile spewing onto me and the lobby floor, followed by another burp. It was e.p.i.c. -Exorcist style. His little scared face with wet eyes said it all, poor kid. It was so embarrassing that I just laughed. My mom and I got into the elevator and almost peed on ourselves from laughter. Projectile #1.

Later that night his nose was stuffed up, so I used the saline spray to unclog him. I sprayed, he did a little freak out dance, cry and then......like a volcano erupting his nose cleared out all over me. Projectile #2.

The final 'event' was a dirty diaper morning blowout, that had squished out of the diaper and around his legs, filling his sleeper. And, of course, like good stories go, when I popped the buttons open the poop FLEW at me, with impressive force. It stuck to my arm, my shirt and leg, also landing on the floor and bed. Projectile #3.

[welcome to motherhood]

This weekend we are flying to Maine to visit the Grandparents. Hopefully, Rue's first flight is a success and if there is anymore 'projectile' involved that Chris can be lucky enough to get in on the action.

What's your funniest projectile story??

'the light at the end of the tunnel is brought to you by Nutramigen'

Day 4 of Nutramigen, a lactose free formula.

HE IS ALREADY A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BABY.

Yesterday he took three [count em, THREEEE] naps, one of which was 3 hours long, and the rest of the day he was HAPPY. As in, didn't cry all day. Which was, the FIRST day of his life that he didn't cry. I am still in shock and awe.

The formula is expensive, but to see his happy little face all day long, it's so worth the money.

Poor Kid, he had so much tummy/gut pain that he would just cry cry cry after he ate. So to get him to calm down, I would feed him again. Which would make everything worse. I knew he wasn't colicky, but I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Thank God for Pediatricians who know their stuff.

[I am bumming about not being able to breastfeed him anymore. Last Friday when it was feeding time, I habitually sat down on my 'spot' on the couch and started to unhook my bra, when I realized....'I'm not breast feeding him anymore' it hit me like a ton of bricks. I went and fixed him a bottle, cradled him in my arms, began to feed him, and cried. Tears of joy, and sadness. Joy that he is not hurting anymore. Joy that I got to nourish him with my breasts and build up his immune system. I wish I had savored up every drop our last feeding. But I keep telling myself that my arms and kisses, love and words will nourish him.]

I'm sure there will still be rocky days ahead, but I'm saying hooray, hooray for the light at the end of this dark three month long tunnel.

all my love, Y

I'm a perfectionist, and a wimp

It's true, I am a perfectionist. Not in the 'my house has to be spotless' way, but rather the 'expecting my self to be a perfect, crunchy, green, baby wearing, co-sleeping, cloth diapering, never a depressed thought perfect mom to the perfect baby who never cries & sleeps all the time. That's what I expected, it's not what I got. The last 3 months have been a nightmare.

I'm sure I sound extreme, but I feel I extreme. My little boy isn't a text book baby.

He has cried for 3 months. He has horrible gas that keeps him from sleeping and wakes him up when he does sleep. Nap time is a fight. He will take 1 out of 4 naps a day. Nights are just starting to get better. Breastfeeding started off great and somewhere along the line he wasn't gaining weight. I saw a lactation consultant for a month and we are back on track, but we have a lot of weight to gain before he's up to where he should be. The pediatrician suspects that his stomach can't handle the lactose and he's in pain. I have cut out dairy, but he's still unhappy. We might need to try a high-enzyme formula, which means I can't breastfeed for a while. I feel like I've failed.

That's where the wimp part comes in.

I've been too afraid to blog about this. About post-partum depression. About feelings of helplessness. Of frustration. Fear. Panic. Thoughts of 'what have I done to deserve this?' Feelings of anxiety. Despair. Failure. Expectation. I've been afraid of being judged by the mom's who have the perfect babies, and the perfect blogs to go with it. The mom's who's life looks like a fairy tale. I read their posts and cry, thinking...is their life really picture perfect like it seems? Or are they as unhappy as I am but aren't saying it?

So, I am finally saying it. This is really, really, stinkin hard. If you are one of those blessed mommies who's babies sleep well through the night, takes naps during the day, you have the time and energy to cloth diaper, you can paint your nails, eat square meals, have time to clean your house & cook dinner with out breaking a sweat, you. lucked. out. Don't take it for granted. There are other mommies out there who want to pull their hair out every day.

My life isn't perfect, and I don't want to post only the good stuff. I'm glad I finally grew a pair and shared this with you guys. This is a 'confessions of a new mom'.

12 weeks old

new milestones this week:

finding his feet.

sucking his thumb. [in a true comfort himself kind of way]

almost rolling onto his belly. Those shoulders keep trippin' him up!

[don't worry little buddy, you'll get it soon]

Another thing I'm proud of:

my kid is SUCH a poser.

le sigh. I heart him.

Brink Family Farm

I live for the weekends, and what a fabulous weekend it was!

: lots of QT with the husband in the backyard, weeding, tilling, and seeding our new grass.

a huge bbq with good, good friends.

slept in [till 8:30].

exchanged some green onions for our neighbor's delicious blackberry/lime cocktail. [we got the better end of the dealio]

but my favorite of all.....thanks to the baby napping for 2 hours...we planted our garden!!

I would've sprouted seeds if I didn't have a colicky 3 month old. So, off to Home Depot we went!

We returned armed with hopes of green thumbs and 6 varieties of tomatoes, 3 colors of bell peppers, cucumbers, yellow squash, waxy hungarian peppers, mint, cilantro and the love of my taste buds, basil.

Grow little plants growww! I vant to eet yoo.

allie from it's a wonderful life planted the 'Marr Family Farm' on Sunday too...but her pictures are much cuter than mine. ;)

oh california

Last December [yeah yeah, I'm just now posting the pictures. Don't hate.] Chris and I took a pre-baby-moon-vacation to San Francisco, California. It was an amazing trip.

There were SO many photos to choose from, but here are a few of my favorites.

Fun rental:

sun kissed self portraits

Beautiful scenery

hot tubs

the breathtaking SF

the highway 1 coastline

admiring great views

sweet and fattening breakfasts on the deck

sunsets

babymoooon

gorgeous redwood trees

fires

lovers

twin peaks

coast

pebbles

more trees

our rental house

beach wandering

snuggling

touristy things

incredible crepes

the golden gate in her glory

the whole reason we took this trip:

the belly

shameless plug

Not to toot my own horn here....but *toot* *toot* !

I am married to one smart, talented & swooningly handsome man. Chris started a side business creating beautiful, one of a kind light fixtures and I am here to brag on him.

Recently a friend and gallery owner of HMAC approached him about making 12 lights for his theater. We are excited about gaining exposure in our city's art scene!

Check out his etsy shop! And, please, remember to support your local artisans.

the many names of Rue

muffin.

chicken.

lovie.

bird.

turtle.

burrito.

dove.

bean.

monkey.

honey.

kangaroo.

sweetie.

bunny.

stinky.

boo boo.

joo joo.

rue rue.

ruekins.

ruester.

ruebean.

little mister.

muffalatta.

bean pole.

smunchie.

king rue.

just some of the names I've called him, so far.

EDIT: My husband calls him Broheim & Sleep Stealer.

My mom calls him Mr. Moo-moo.

8 weeks at Easter

This Easter I was flooded with memories of being a little girl full of excitement Sunday morning. Waking up with anticipation of the hunt for chocolates and plastic eggs that my mom hid around the house was the best! Someday, I will do the same for my little bird. The sweet part?

I will be just as excited to watch him on the hunt as he will...

happy first Easter & 8 weeks my little buttercup!

xo, mama

A is for Asian & Adorable

I can't wait to see Rue's cute butt crawling around in these adorable japanese leggings:

Dobutsu leggings available here!

6 weeks

happy belated 6 weeks my little angel...

Confessions of a New Mom

I'm debuting a new series!

'Confessions of a New Mom' has been rolling around in my head for the past 7 weeks, and what a humbling 7 weeks they have been. I want the series to be a very honest look at being a new mom, full of wonders, questions, concerns, tears & laughs.

Cheers to Motherhood!

1. So, you spend 9 months incubating a human. They stretch your body out to extremes you didn't know possible. You visit every public bathroom in your city because they love to use your bladder as a pillow. You plan, prepare, nest, spend money, and bother folding all the little itty bitty clothes and stack them neatly in their dresser. Then D-Day comes. You labor. Long and Hard. Hours or days later, somehow...you squeeze a melon out a hole the size of a lemon drop.

Your baby is hoisted up onto your chest, and instantly you're in flutterby-twitterpated-love. But, instead of going to a day spa to rest, heal and an recuperate, full with all you can drink cocktails, you have to care for a newborn. A pooping, crying, newborn. You waddle like you rode a bucking bronco for a few days and your derrière is 'out of order'. Your girl bits? Well, let's just hope your husband doesn't scream like a little girl when he sees 'it' for the first time?

OH THE JOYS NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT.

2. I cried as much as he did the first three weeks.

3. household chores and laundry hava taken a back seat since Rue arrived. Between the constant feeding, holding, feeding, nuzzling, feeding, changing, feeding, burping... [did I mention FEEDING??] it's considered a 'productive day' if I've showered, brushed my teeth and am wearing mascara.

4. Ruehl is exploring his vocal chords, and nothing thrills my heart more than to hear him cooing, and gurgling. He also gave us his first smile at 6 weeks. Best moment ever.

5. It's very difficult to type one handed.

6. I'm an open bar, and my son is a milk-a-holic. No. Seriously. Feeding every 1.5-2 hours, at 40-50 minutes per feed....I'm basically one big PERMA BOOB.

7. Parenthood is more incredible, beautiful and awesome than I could've dreamed. It's also more humbling and challenging than I expected. I guess it's just one of those things that no one can explain. You just have to experience it for yourself.

birds and bees aint buzzin

With a newborn running the show, there seems to be no time for mom/dad playtime.

When there is, I'm MUCH too exhausted. Has any one else had this problem??

Last week Rue surprised us and took a nap.

Chris said, 'get upstairs'

We jumped on the bed and started kissing.

Chris took my glasses off and put them on the floor.

He said 'why don't you light a candle?'

I got up, lit the wick, and took a step.

Crunch.

It was my glasses.

Then we heard him, 'waaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!"

Crap.

Extinguish candle.

Exhale frustration.

Hah, maybe next time....

(apparently when Rue grows up, his dad is going to ground him for every time he kept him from 'getting some')

spring has sprung

my crocus have bloomed

I'm shouting it from the rooftops:

I LOOOOOVE SPRING!!!!!

Today has been an incredible day! 70 degree weather. A long napping baby... [my baby? napping??] Egg sandwiches for brunch. Coffee, of course. Exchanging my winter for summer clothes! My husband cleaned the bathroom and is raking the yard, as I play on my new computer! It's just too delicious not to. Later today, we may be breaking out the brew and the grill. Oh joy!

And to think there's still one more day of weekend!

my post delivery gift

Earlier this week my husband said to me:

"I got you something. It's a surprise. "

I said:

"oohh! I love surprises. Well, I have a surprise for you too! [dinner.]

Today the surprise arrived:

I think he won.

I haven't thrown the baby out with the bath water...

Doves, hello hello!
Welcome to my blog, new and old readers!
I want thank Leigh from Marvelous Kiddo for featuring Rue’s birth story as ‘birth story of the week.’ I’ve read her fabulous blog for over a year and been inspired many times by the beautiful pictures and words of mamma’s and their birth experiences. I feel blessed to have joined the ranks of women who have brought life into this world. Hopefully I can and have already inspired someone with my birth story.

For those of you who have been following HGBB for a while, you know I’ve been infrequent in my posts since the babe was born. Oops. It happens to all new-&- really-sleep-deprived-moms right? I seem to have about….an hour of free time a day, and it’s normally not at the same time! When the babe actually lays down for a ‘catnap’ my brain goes something like this:

“He’s sleeping………………………………
!? !?
Sigh.
What should I do?
Sleep?
Eat.
Pee?
Wash a load of dirty baby clothes?
Put away the clean dishes?
Load the dirty dishes that are piling up?
Dry the load that I washed two days ago, that’s been sitting in the washer and is probably musty by now??
Pluck my bushwacked Freida-esque eyebrows?
Brush my teeth today?
Put on ‘real clothes’?
Take out the dirty diaper trash that’s stinking to high heaven?
Blog?
Shower!!!

By the time I have figured out what to do, I’ve wasted 5 minutes of his naptime, and somewhere between the toilet flush and burning the grilled cheese sandwich, he stirs. I hear his little cry calling to me ‘come hold me mama!’…So I shove a piece of blackened bread in my mouth and I run to grab him. That’s love folks.

Well, what can I say about being a new mom? It’s beautiful, and exhausting. I’m so in love. My arms are getting stronger by the day because he loves to be held 24/7.
We don’t sleep much and we both have cried a LOT these first 4 weeks, but it’s getting better. I’ve heard that 6 weeks is a milestone for newborns, so my fingers are crossed. I hope to have more ‘me’ time in the coming future, for one, to blog. I’ve missed it, and I really love to stay connected to you all. Thanks for all the wonderful sweet comments! They are the butter on my bread!!

Stay tuned for a new series: Confessions of a New Mom.

All my love,

Yana

Ruehl at one month!